The chinese people are extremely superstitious to the point that if you spit a different way it means something totally different. My kids and husband laugh at me only to the point that I do believe in the full moon. It's never just a "full moon", "it's a full moon." You ask what's the difference. Just saying a full moon is identifying the planets. Saying "It's a full moon," means you better beware.
There is a turning point in the full moon when everything is going wrong and then it turns and starts looking your way. This day was definitely that.
I got up ready to go to work and realized April 29 we were in a blizzard at our house. It was horrible. I watched the news and found out that the freeway had had a major car accident on it and the only way to work was on this freeway, past this accident. So I decided why sit on the freeway, since the news was going to go for a little longer, why not wait and watch the news for a break not only in the weather, but also with the cleaning up of the freeway.
After an extended 45 min, I thought I must make a go of it, but stupid me, once I got to the backlog of cars and no more exits for about 10 miles, I realized I had no gas. So since the freeway was now a parking lot, I turned off my engine, and started to get very nervous of the fact I had no gas, no way of getting gas, stalled behind an accident and also in a blizzard. Could I pick a better moment.
When the cars started crawling I thought how bad could it be for me to not turn on the engine, but put the car in neutral and coast down behind the semis. Did I say this was in a canyon with a 7% grade downhill. Yeah! At least I knew there was a semi in front of me that would catch my fall, but I also knew there was a semi in back of me that could have squashed me into a little pancake.
Once the traffic started up I turned on my engine and started cruising when within a few minutes everything came to a complete stop with cars flying every which way to avoid another accident. It was scary. This happened another two times, riding on fumes until I got out of the canyon, but still in a blizzard.
I immediately headed for the nearest gas station (2 hours later) and called my work to ask if it was snowing there. Disappointingly "no." Come on, they have to feel some of my pain.
I arrived at work a little before 11 and at 4:30 headed home an hour early for a cooking class that I had signed up for at the high school. A friend of mine had suggested me taking the class since it was specializing in GF. I was thrilled. I had a list of questions.
In any new class you enter apprehensively, "is the teacher going to be good, am I going to like the other classmates, will I learn something beyond what I already know..." I first arrived not knowing where the class was, but as luck would have it I met a teacher there that walked me down and around several stairs and floors until we arrived at the class. Two students, I didn't think I was that early, I swear to you the registar told me that the class was full, oh well. I sat down right next to the couple and thought why not be yourself, you can only irritate them and then never see them again.
I noticed immediately there was goodies on the table. I must admit that prior to arriving at the school, I wasn't sure if this was a demonstration cooking class, a hands on, or just what it would be like so I stopped off at the nearest gas station for a few swedish fish and a chickstick. I hated to go three hours without anything in my stomach and with this stomach you couldn't just go through any drive thru so candy was going to have to do. I immediately saw two beautiful blueberry tarts (I love blueberries), cream puffs, and an onion dip that the teacher immediately encouraged us to share. I now regretted that last swedish fish.
I hate the old cliches "I bonded with my new mates of common interest" "I felt a kinship." blah blah blah. But what I found was an interesting group of 15 people totally enjoying the night. We learned new tricks of the trade of cooking as well learning new recipes for GF.
The best part of the night was, I didn't have to explain my feelings or needs to someone that didn't know. For months I have sat down at different dinners, with a variety of groups and it comes up every time all the questions, the concerns, and exhausting explaining. On the other hand this group just knew. They all were willing to learn along with me. They knew my questions to the teacher were not stupid even if they knew the answers already. They were willing to inform me and were allowing my naive questions and answers to flow. Knowing I may never see these people or the teacher again it was easy for me to be myself and enjoy the conversation.
Kelly Corrigan that wrote the book "Lift" explained that morning on a news program that the book told about sometimes your life is like a hand glidders that use the turbulence of the air to seek a path to a peaceful flow. That is what today was like. I knew if I just got through that canyon I would find my peaceful flow somewhere. I found it in a small community ed cooking class.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
My BFs
My husband and I took a little trip to Idaho to see our good friends Wonda and Kenny. Because my husband and I are quite ornery, we have very few friends that we could call really good friends. But the friends we do have are great.
Our friends from Idaho have to go 1 1/2 hours to pick us up from the airport, and then of course drive back 1 1/2 hours to go home. We think it is a lot to ask from friends that have to cook and clean their house for guests, little alone pick us up.
When we got to our friends' home Wonda informed me that she had been researching on GF, and had bought a few items for me to try out. I was so thrilled to think someone would think of me that far to try to help.
I told my 30 year old daughter how kind Wonda was and she said "that is so sweet, she has to be your new BF." It struck me so funny and juvenile and so now I refer to Wonda and Kenny as my new BF. Not like they haven't been my BFs for 20 years already.
Thanks BFs for my great weekend it made up for the bad secretary week.
Our friends from Idaho have to go 1 1/2 hours to pick us up from the airport, and then of course drive back 1 1/2 hours to go home. We think it is a lot to ask from friends that have to cook and clean their house for guests, little alone pick us up.
When we got to our friends' home Wonda informed me that she had been researching on GF, and had bought a few items for me to try out. I was so thrilled to think someone would think of me that far to try to help.
I told my 30 year old daughter how kind Wonda was and she said "that is so sweet, she has to be your new BF." It struck me so funny and juvenile and so now I refer to Wonda and Kenny as my new BF. Not like they haven't been my BFs for 20 years already.
Thanks BFs for my great weekend it made up for the bad secretary week.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
GENIUS IN THE MAKING
For about two months all I have done is looking on the internet for information, recipes, and other things to help me improve. So today I got my first cook book "Gluten-Free Baking" by Rebecca Reilly.
I have decided that one day I am going to actually do the Julie/Julia movie and go from the beginning of this book and cook straight through it. Her intro was so inspiring but so intimidating. To know that you are suppose to sort of bake from instructions of a person that was raised by bakers, that she went to how many schools to be as good as she is, and I am suppose to pick up the book and try to even resemble something out that book is quite intimidating.
I would just like to cook graham crackers like she did. That is one thing I haven't really found is graham crackers. I am sure there are people out there that have actually found things to replace the norm items in the kitchen, but I am still in the making of finding things.
She made her own filo, now come on, I can barely make it to the freezer aisle in the grocery store to find filo already made so all I have to do is put filling in those little tiny pieces of pastry. For me to actually make filo, that would be something.
Stayed tune Rebecca, it might be Becky/Rebecca tuning in.
I have decided that one day I am going to actually do the Julie/Julia movie and go from the beginning of this book and cook straight through it. Her intro was so inspiring but so intimidating. To know that you are suppose to sort of bake from instructions of a person that was raised by bakers, that she went to how many schools to be as good as she is, and I am suppose to pick up the book and try to even resemble something out that book is quite intimidating.
I would just like to cook graham crackers like she did. That is one thing I haven't really found is graham crackers. I am sure there are people out there that have actually found things to replace the norm items in the kitchen, but I am still in the making of finding things.
She made her own filo, now come on, I can barely make it to the freezer aisle in the grocery store to find filo already made so all I have to do is put filling in those little tiny pieces of pastry. For me to actually make filo, that would be something.
Stayed tune Rebecca, it might be Becky/Rebecca tuning in.
Monday, April 19, 2010
NOT EMBARRASSED, JUST TIRED
Every year secretary appreciation week comes around. I use to brag to my daughter of how fun it was. Everyday we would get special meals or treats and usually a nice gift. Since the economy bottom out, the office has tried to cut back, but they still tried to make it special.
Several times in the last couple of months I have felt a great satisfaction of myself that I have really tried to stay on these diets. I did slide on my stomach diet when I realized I got celiac, but I really felt a great pride of doing as well as I have.
Monday came and they had a office breakfast. I immediately asked a co-worker what they were having, and she said fruit and muffins. Fruit is out on my stomach diet, and muffins are out on my CD. I knew this might happen so I brought my own breakfast of peaches and my homemade coffee cake. I actually felt like it was probably better than what the office was offering.
Tuesday would be coming with an office luncheon, and another co-worker asked if I was going to go. Of course since I had been calling restaurants before going to them about their GF menus, I called the lady that was planning the office luncheon. There was only mashed potatoes on the menu that I might be able to eat. She kept questioning if there was something she could order for me instead and all I had was visions of all the questions that everybody was going to ask when they handed me my breast of chicken without all the sauces.
I think this was the first time I actually had a breakdown of what was going on in my life. I couldn't tell if I was embarrassed or if I was pissed. After going into the bathroom, and having a few tears I realized I was just tired of trying to put up with the menus, put up with the hassle, put up with the questions from everyone, just put up with the whole thing. I wasn't irritated to just bail, but I was irritated that even the slightest deviation from the norm was going to cause a stir of questions and explanations. I have to keep reminding myself that I can have something better tasting somewhere else. That I can reward myself in some other way. It was just the fact that I am no longer the norm. I didn't care about any embarrassing factor, I was just irritated that I have to do it in the first place.
After leaving the bathroom, I calmed myself by going to another co-worker, who is worse off than me and listening to their sad sobe story to pull my head out of my own ass and realize life is good.
Several times in the last couple of months I have felt a great satisfaction of myself that I have really tried to stay on these diets. I did slide on my stomach diet when I realized I got celiac, but I really felt a great pride of doing as well as I have.
Monday came and they had a office breakfast. I immediately asked a co-worker what they were having, and she said fruit and muffins. Fruit is out on my stomach diet, and muffins are out on my CD. I knew this might happen so I brought my own breakfast of peaches and my homemade coffee cake. I actually felt like it was probably better than what the office was offering.
Tuesday would be coming with an office luncheon, and another co-worker asked if I was going to go. Of course since I had been calling restaurants before going to them about their GF menus, I called the lady that was planning the office luncheon. There was only mashed potatoes on the menu that I might be able to eat. She kept questioning if there was something she could order for me instead and all I had was visions of all the questions that everybody was going to ask when they handed me my breast of chicken without all the sauces.
I think this was the first time I actually had a breakdown of what was going on in my life. I couldn't tell if I was embarrassed or if I was pissed. After going into the bathroom, and having a few tears I realized I was just tired of trying to put up with the menus, put up with the hassle, put up with the questions from everyone, just put up with the whole thing. I wasn't irritated to just bail, but I was irritated that even the slightest deviation from the norm was going to cause a stir of questions and explanations. I have to keep reminding myself that I can have something better tasting somewhere else. That I can reward myself in some other way. It was just the fact that I am no longer the norm. I didn't care about any embarrassing factor, I was just irritated that I have to do it in the first place.
After leaving the bathroom, I calmed myself by going to another co-worker, who is worse off than me and listening to their sad sobe story to pull my head out of my own ass and realize life is good.
Every day is an up or a down...
Every day is an up or a down and you hope its not both on the same day. Unfortunately sometimes you get both, oh well. The weekend was spending cooking, baking, and more cooking and baking. My husband is never sure what is going to come out of the kitchen. I don't know if I have already told you that I try to starve my husband so hopefully no matter how the dish comes out he is starving enough to just eat it.
I had my grandkids for the weekend and I was determined that I was going to please them, and I was going to try to please me. So I had my recipes all lined up and ready. What do I do as soon as I picked up the kids I headed for KFC. I haven't had KFC in months. When I first had my gall bladder out, the first thing I got sick on was KFC. The grease hit my stomach and I had to live in the bathroom for days.
I got there and immediately asked if their grilled chicken was made with flour. They assured me that it was, I just couldn't do it. I had two tired hungry kids in the car, and one tired hungry husband at home, so I just went ahead and ordered it. By the time I got home I was so hungry I wolfed down the chicken.
While I was at the doctor she gave me the things I could and couldn't eat list. One of the things that I had been eating was catsup, mayo, mustard, and many things that had distilled vinegar. Who know that distilled vinegar was processed with wheat. I became extremely sad. I felt like I was sort of getting a handle on it. I felt proud of myself that I actually was sticking with this diet as well as I had, and to eliminate one more thing was going to just send me over the edge.
I immediately got on the internet the next day and the American Dietitian Association said that distilled vinegar was being taken off the list because it had such a small amount of wheat in it that it shouldn't give you problems. The blogs from other people with really bad celiac said they still have problems. But since I didn't have the bathroom problem like so many others, I felt like I just had to add that back on my do list. So while I was at KFC I ordered potato salad knowing that it might be bad, but at least it could be worse.
The weekend was going to be pizza crust demo day. I was going to make two pizza crusts and have my husband, daughter, and son-in-law taste test so we didn't make anything repetitively bad. Unfortuantely the one they chose was the made from scratch version. I kept saying to my husband I don't even like pizza, so I think I will finish out the ingredients for him and leave the pizza to Papa Murphys and he can eat alone.
The rest of the baking was great coconut carmel brownies, along with a coffee cake to die for. The ups are when you feel that even though you can't have this or that, you can always feed your desire in some way.
I had my grandkids for the weekend and I was determined that I was going to please them, and I was going to try to please me. So I had my recipes all lined up and ready. What do I do as soon as I picked up the kids I headed for KFC. I haven't had KFC in months. When I first had my gall bladder out, the first thing I got sick on was KFC. The grease hit my stomach and I had to live in the bathroom for days.
I got there and immediately asked if their grilled chicken was made with flour. They assured me that it was, I just couldn't do it. I had two tired hungry kids in the car, and one tired hungry husband at home, so I just went ahead and ordered it. By the time I got home I was so hungry I wolfed down the chicken.
While I was at the doctor she gave me the things I could and couldn't eat list. One of the things that I had been eating was catsup, mayo, mustard, and many things that had distilled vinegar. Who know that distilled vinegar was processed with wheat. I became extremely sad. I felt like I was sort of getting a handle on it. I felt proud of myself that I actually was sticking with this diet as well as I had, and to eliminate one more thing was going to just send me over the edge.
I immediately got on the internet the next day and the American Dietitian Association said that distilled vinegar was being taken off the list because it had such a small amount of wheat in it that it shouldn't give you problems. The blogs from other people with really bad celiac said they still have problems. But since I didn't have the bathroom problem like so many others, I felt like I just had to add that back on my do list. So while I was at KFC I ordered potato salad knowing that it might be bad, but at least it could be worse.
The weekend was going to be pizza crust demo day. I was going to make two pizza crusts and have my husband, daughter, and son-in-law taste test so we didn't make anything repetitively bad. Unfortuantely the one they chose was the made from scratch version. I kept saying to my husband I don't even like pizza, so I think I will finish out the ingredients for him and leave the pizza to Papa Murphys and he can eat alone.
The rest of the baking was great coconut carmel brownies, along with a coffee cake to die for. The ups are when you feel that even though you can't have this or that, you can always feed your desire in some way.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Inside the Confessional
Okay today is April 14. I have been in this mess since late August. I had my, who knows how many doctor appointments, today. We went over all the tests and discussed what my options (which were none), and how I was going to deal with my diet for the rest of my life.
Why do we always look at our doctors as being our priest or confessors. So of course I started confessing all of my transgressions. I am sorry doctor for I have sinned, I had a carmel popcorn ball for breakfast for almost everyday for the last month. I know I went over the edge, but someone's got to do it, so why not me. Sorry doctor for I also had candy after candy after candy for Easter and knew I was doing wrong. She immediately informed me that sometimes you have to have a carmel popcorn ball in times of stress, just not every day and maybe not even once a week. She even confessed to me that she had a few for breakfast in her life.
The doctor answered my questions, and a lot became clear. I won't be eating much of anything for the rest of my life. Oh well, I had 52 years of eating anything and being abusive to myself. Just like all the books and internet blogs, they are very optomistic. So right after the appointment I drove down to Williams Sonoma and bought popover pans. I was determined to make every gluten free recipe under the sun and try to disgard those that I didn't like and repeat those I did, just like I was eating everything normal. This was my new normal.
I had found a popover recipe and ran home and decided I was going to make them. For looking slightly different, they actually tasted pretty good. I of course should have made some berry butter to go along, but the regular butter was going to have to do.
I decided everything goes better with a little butter. No doctor I am not having a lot of butter, just a little. Yes I am going to try to stay on my diet.
Why do we always look at our doctors as being our priest or confessors. So of course I started confessing all of my transgressions. I am sorry doctor for I have sinned, I had a carmel popcorn ball for breakfast for almost everyday for the last month. I know I went over the edge, but someone's got to do it, so why not me. Sorry doctor for I also had candy after candy after candy for Easter and knew I was doing wrong. She immediately informed me that sometimes you have to have a carmel popcorn ball in times of stress, just not every day and maybe not even once a week. She even confessed to me that she had a few for breakfast in her life.
The doctor answered my questions, and a lot became clear. I won't be eating much of anything for the rest of my life. Oh well, I had 52 years of eating anything and being abusive to myself. Just like all the books and internet blogs, they are very optomistic. So right after the appointment I drove down to Williams Sonoma and bought popover pans. I was determined to make every gluten free recipe under the sun and try to disgard those that I didn't like and repeat those I did, just like I was eating everything normal. This was my new normal.
I had found a popover recipe and ran home and decided I was going to make them. For looking slightly different, they actually tasted pretty good. I of course should have made some berry butter to go along, but the regular butter was going to have to do.
I decided everything goes better with a little butter. No doctor I am not having a lot of butter, just a little. Yes I am going to try to stay on my diet.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
BON APUKE
I have always believed that husbands are there for one basic reason TO EAT WHAT EVERYBODY ELSE WON'T.
Over the years I have learned a few things in cooking, but you would think by the time I am 50 I should know the basics. I swear I am going to go back to cooking class before I die. The chefs on the cooking channels make it so easy.
I will now confess, I hate the stringy hashbrowns, but my husband loves them. So every once inawhile I feel like I need to make them just to please him. Stupid me. So I fried up some hashbrowns the other day and I don't know if it was the type of potato I used or what, but they turned this horrible gray color. I have since learned from recipes on the web that there was probably too much water in the potatoes when I started cooking them.
My husband loves pancakes. I knew if there was one thing my husband was going to suffer from when I took over this new diet of no wheat it was going to be the wonderful pancakes he loves. I trusted in the brand "Pamela's" for a no wheat pancake mix. I used this brand for other items and I thought they were going to come out not gritty in anyway.
So I fried him up some eggs, cooked up some hashbrowns and baked up some pancakes. He would never ever said anything bad, but I immediately could tell from the way he was chewing that he thought I had gone out to the garden for worms and dirt. Actually the pancakes had a better taste than some pancakes I had made in the past, but not as light and airy as others.
Oh well, you win some you lose some. Bon Apuke
Over the years I have learned a few things in cooking, but you would think by the time I am 50 I should know the basics. I swear I am going to go back to cooking class before I die. The chefs on the cooking channels make it so easy.
I will now confess, I hate the stringy hashbrowns, but my husband loves them. So every once inawhile I feel like I need to make them just to please him. Stupid me. So I fried up some hashbrowns the other day and I don't know if it was the type of potato I used or what, but they turned this horrible gray color. I have since learned from recipes on the web that there was probably too much water in the potatoes when I started cooking them.
My husband loves pancakes. I knew if there was one thing my husband was going to suffer from when I took over this new diet of no wheat it was going to be the wonderful pancakes he loves. I trusted in the brand "Pamela's" for a no wheat pancake mix. I used this brand for other items and I thought they were going to come out not gritty in anyway.
So I fried him up some eggs, cooked up some hashbrowns and baked up some pancakes. He would never ever said anything bad, but I immediately could tell from the way he was chewing that he thought I had gone out to the garden for worms and dirt. Actually the pancakes had a better taste than some pancakes I had made in the past, but not as light and airy as others.
Oh well, you win some you lose some. Bon Apuke
BLOATING WE WILL GO
I have been skinny 2/3ds of my life, until just in the last 10 years have I had this problem of gaining a lot of weight. I contributed it to my hestrectomy I had 10 years ago. I also contributed it to bad eating habits and middle age. But I am starting to wonder if it wasn't my digestive issues along the way.
Since I went on this no fiber, low fat, no wheat diet, and particularly eating a lot less in a meal, I have lost some weight. My pants fit a lot loser to the point of annoying me when I stand or walk. I actually have ankles and hands back where before they were like cankles and whatever you would call budgy hands.
I am sure the weight is basically the water gain. I do know when I have eaten something really bad, my stomach feels like it is going to explode under my skin. My waistline seems to have grown several inches within a matter of minutes.
I have to keep in mind the reason why I spent so much money and time with doctors in the last several months. It is for me to understand and restructure my life so that I do feel better. Sometimes I fall off of that wagon, but for my health's beneft I need to get back on and eat what I should.
Since I went on this no fiber, low fat, no wheat diet, and particularly eating a lot less in a meal, I have lost some weight. My pants fit a lot loser to the point of annoying me when I stand or walk. I actually have ankles and hands back where before they were like cankles and whatever you would call budgy hands.
I am sure the weight is basically the water gain. I do know when I have eaten something really bad, my stomach feels like it is going to explode under my skin. My waistline seems to have grown several inches within a matter of minutes.
I have to keep in mind the reason why I spent so much money and time with doctors in the last several months. It is for me to understand and restructure my life so that I do feel better. Sometimes I fall off of that wagon, but for my health's beneft I need to get back on and eat what I should.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
A COOK I AM NOT
My daughter the other day said to me at the age of 26 that she didn't know how to cook. Now admittedly I can take some offense to that since I am not a real good cook myself, but knowing that most of her growing up years she lived with her father and step-mother, I am again blaming the stepmother.
But I have now realized that my life is sitting on the computer looking at every recipe that I use to order in a restaurant. I have realized the limits at restaurants of only 1 to 2 gluten free items. It's discouraging when you look at the menu and realize all the food you use to eat, but can't anymore.
My mother wasn't the best of cooks either. She made very few dinners really good and she never went beyond the meat (usually hamburger), potatoes and vegetables for dinner. It must be a depression thing. Spices and sauces were definitely not in her kitchen. So guess what I have to do is to teach myself.
Every chance I take I grab my daughter and I am trying to teach the basics to her along with recipes that I want to try. Food from restaurants that I use to love are first on the cooking block.
My daughter said maybe this was a good thing. Maybe it was an opportunity to make yourself healthier than you have ever been. I would like to think there is something good that comes out of this, if nothing else they can put on my headstone "she was a great cook" even if it is a joke.
But I have now realized that my life is sitting on the computer looking at every recipe that I use to order in a restaurant. I have realized the limits at restaurants of only 1 to 2 gluten free items. It's discouraging when you look at the menu and realize all the food you use to eat, but can't anymore.
My mother wasn't the best of cooks either. She made very few dinners really good and she never went beyond the meat (usually hamburger), potatoes and vegetables for dinner. It must be a depression thing. Spices and sauces were definitely not in her kitchen. So guess what I have to do is to teach myself.
Every chance I take I grab my daughter and I am trying to teach the basics to her along with recipes that I want to try. Food from restaurants that I use to love are first on the cooking block.
My daughter said maybe this was a good thing. Maybe it was an opportunity to make yourself healthier than you have ever been. I would like to think there is something good that comes out of this, if nothing else they can put on my headstone "she was a great cook" even if it is a joke.
CONTINENTAL
I have to explain my husband, I love him to pieces, but he is a man through and through. His mom knew only so many dishes to make and he was raised basically from the ranch, meat, potatoes, vegetables, and bread with strawberry jam. He has expanded out to rice over the years, but not much from there.
The funny thing is, he proclaims himself as being a modern kind of guy. When we have stayed in B&Bs or gone out to the nicest restaurants, he always seems to enjoy any particular food item placed in front of him. Do you think it is just because he is paying for it.
I can make the exact same food, put it on a plate (without white linen or silver serving pieces) and he hates it.
When I found out about my disease he immediately said, get the food out of the house that is going to hurt you. I was apprehensive about that notion, but I did what I was told by my faithful husband. I soon regretted being so agreeable. It wasn't for the food I was going to miss out on, but what he was going to miss out on.
My husband loves spaghetti, so I bought the rice noodles and thought how bad could this be. I was told by several websites not to over cook the noodles. So I followed the directions, brought it to a boil, waited the appropriate time and then tested one after another noodle to see when it was "el dente." I washed the noodles out and it looked like a concentrated ball of glob. As I was serving them, the noodles started falling apart and turning into pieces of rice. Lucky for me I bought spaghetti sauce that tasted extremely fresh and so it sort of deflected from the blob underneath.
For Easter I realized we could either go out for Easter brunch and be bugged by everything I wasn't sure of, or knew I couldn't eat or just stay home. So I chose to stay home and try to whip up my own Easter brunch. I had french toast casserole, corn pudding, and egg quiche in a hash brown crust. Afterwards I asked him how it was, he said very "continental."
Every week I have been trying at least one dessert either made by scratch or by a mix. Most of them haven't been so good. So last night I whipped up a strawberry clafoutis. You might ask what is a clafoutis. Well I asked the same question. It is like a cake and a custard with fruit in it. Of course I was going to use my gluten free flour, and splenda instead of sugar. I don't think it was totally the ingredients, but the flour tasted fine, it just wasn't sugary enough.
My husband loves strawberries so I thought for sure he would love it. It doesn't look like strawberry jam that comes right out of the store, but he kindly said it tastes continental. That was like saying it is okay, but not.
I think because my life is turning into more of an experiment, my husband in just him saying continental means he is trying to take it in stride where before he wouldn't have even taken a second bite.
Right now I really love my husband, he is so continental‼!
The funny thing is, he proclaims himself as being a modern kind of guy. When we have stayed in B&Bs or gone out to the nicest restaurants, he always seems to enjoy any particular food item placed in front of him. Do you think it is just because he is paying for it.
I can make the exact same food, put it on a plate (without white linen or silver serving pieces) and he hates it.
When I found out about my disease he immediately said, get the food out of the house that is going to hurt you. I was apprehensive about that notion, but I did what I was told by my faithful husband. I soon regretted being so agreeable. It wasn't for the food I was going to miss out on, but what he was going to miss out on.
My husband loves spaghetti, so I bought the rice noodles and thought how bad could this be. I was told by several websites not to over cook the noodles. So I followed the directions, brought it to a boil, waited the appropriate time and then tested one after another noodle to see when it was "el dente." I washed the noodles out and it looked like a concentrated ball of glob. As I was serving them, the noodles started falling apart and turning into pieces of rice. Lucky for me I bought spaghetti sauce that tasted extremely fresh and so it sort of deflected from the blob underneath.
For Easter I realized we could either go out for Easter brunch and be bugged by everything I wasn't sure of, or knew I couldn't eat or just stay home. So I chose to stay home and try to whip up my own Easter brunch. I had french toast casserole, corn pudding, and egg quiche in a hash brown crust. Afterwards I asked him how it was, he said very "continental."
Every week I have been trying at least one dessert either made by scratch or by a mix. Most of them haven't been so good. So last night I whipped up a strawberry clafoutis. You might ask what is a clafoutis. Well I asked the same question. It is like a cake and a custard with fruit in it. Of course I was going to use my gluten free flour, and splenda instead of sugar. I don't think it was totally the ingredients, but the flour tasted fine, it just wasn't sugary enough.
My husband loves strawberries so I thought for sure he would love it. It doesn't look like strawberry jam that comes right out of the store, but he kindly said it tastes continental. That was like saying it is okay, but not.
I think because my life is turning into more of an experiment, my husband in just him saying continental means he is trying to take it in stride where before he wouldn't have even taken a second bite.
Right now I really love my husband, he is so continental‼!
SOMESTIMES IT PAYS
Since this is my diary I guess I can talk about anything, but I will try to stay on the subject at hand. I would really like to vent about how bad drivers can be in snow. When semis are pulled off the road because of bad conditions you would think that regular drivers would slow down and give others plenty of room. It is the little cars that think if they are going just fine that they won't spin out and make a 50 car pile up, now really people.
Okay back on point my celiac. I went with some friends the other day for again sushi. For right now I find sushi is probably one of the easiest things to find in a restaurant for me to eat. Everything is fresh, there isn't too much wheat and all of the sauces that it comes with, you usually can ask for it on the side or delete from the meal altogether if you find out it has wheat.
So when we arrived at the restaurant I immediately said do you have a gluten free menu. Sometimes I feel, what is the word "weird" doesn't cover it, "disabled", not really, "embarrassed" sort of but not right on. It just seems strange to ask for a GF menu and especially when they are extremely busy. Luckily we went for a late lunch and there was hardly anyone in the restaurant so the help was way accommodating. He immediately brought the menu and then we discussed soy sauce, he said they had some gluten free soy sauce and would bring it out.
When he came out he had to excuse himself that he had to run down the street to the store to buy me some soy sauce. I had to laugh, how many restaurants would actually do that for you, especially for one loony broad (do they really say broad anymore), sorry to all of those women activist, I meant loony woman.
Then because it was my friend's birthday, he brought out a beautiful piece of bread pudding and said because I couldn't eat the dessert the restaurant was willing to pay for my sushi roll. Now do you just have to laugh.
10 years ago when celiac disease was just being realized in the medical community little alone in restaurants if at all, they wouldn't have given you the time of day.
I have decided that I was born in the right time and that things do happen for a reason. If I could change anything for anyone in my future regarding this disease it would be that every product would have on the front of the label, not on the back (what a hassle) to indicate in big abbreviated letters GF, or DF for diary free, or SF for soy free, or NF for nut free. Now truly people how hard is that. And that every restaurant would have a gluten free menu so that individuals know safely what to order.
SOME DAY
Okay back on point my celiac. I went with some friends the other day for again sushi. For right now I find sushi is probably one of the easiest things to find in a restaurant for me to eat. Everything is fresh, there isn't too much wheat and all of the sauces that it comes with, you usually can ask for it on the side or delete from the meal altogether if you find out it has wheat.
So when we arrived at the restaurant I immediately said do you have a gluten free menu. Sometimes I feel, what is the word "weird" doesn't cover it, "disabled", not really, "embarrassed" sort of but not right on. It just seems strange to ask for a GF menu and especially when they are extremely busy. Luckily we went for a late lunch and there was hardly anyone in the restaurant so the help was way accommodating. He immediately brought the menu and then we discussed soy sauce, he said they had some gluten free soy sauce and would bring it out.
When he came out he had to excuse himself that he had to run down the street to the store to buy me some soy sauce. I had to laugh, how many restaurants would actually do that for you, especially for one loony broad (do they really say broad anymore), sorry to all of those women activist, I meant loony woman.
Then because it was my friend's birthday, he brought out a beautiful piece of bread pudding and said because I couldn't eat the dessert the restaurant was willing to pay for my sushi roll. Now do you just have to laugh.
10 years ago when celiac disease was just being realized in the medical community little alone in restaurants if at all, they wouldn't have given you the time of day.
I have decided that I was born in the right time and that things do happen for a reason. If I could change anything for anyone in my future regarding this disease it would be that every product would have on the front of the label, not on the back (what a hassle) to indicate in big abbreviated letters GF, or DF for diary free, or SF for soy free, or NF for nut free. Now truly people how hard is that. And that every restaurant would have a gluten free menu so that individuals know safely what to order.
SOME DAY
RECOVERY
Have you ever thought if you stand really still the wind won't touch you, surprise it still does. At that point when it hits you, instead of falling on your face you need to let loose and fly with it.
Once I started to try to eat gluten free I forgot my other diet from the gastritis (i.e. low fat, no fiber, no raw vegetables or fruits). It's a little hard to keep track of everything I can't eat when I am standing in a restaurant or grocery store.
Again I have to say these problems that I have, are nothing that what other people have. I once had a diabetic husband that drove me crazy because he insisted on eating everything that was bad for him. Of course diabetes I think is worse than what I have, mainly because I don't have to take shots every day, I can have some sweets, just not all sweets. I have to continually remind myself that if I stick with this diet, 1) it will make me feel better, 2) it will allow me to live longer, and 3) it will hopefully stop any other bad disease that could come my way, such as cancer.
It's when I am feeling pretty good I think I can have anything I want, and then I feel like I am back at square one. I really need to concentrate on what is best for me.
Can you hear me constantly talking to myself. I can't even imagine giving up a bad habit. I can't give up chocolate can you imagine me being a drug head. I would be lost for sure. So in that respect I admire anyone that can give up a bad habit little alone stay on a diet even if they are being forced on it by a disease.
Once I started to try to eat gluten free I forgot my other diet from the gastritis (i.e. low fat, no fiber, no raw vegetables or fruits). It's a little hard to keep track of everything I can't eat when I am standing in a restaurant or grocery store.
Again I have to say these problems that I have, are nothing that what other people have. I once had a diabetic husband that drove me crazy because he insisted on eating everything that was bad for him. Of course diabetes I think is worse than what I have, mainly because I don't have to take shots every day, I can have some sweets, just not all sweets. I have to continually remind myself that if I stick with this diet, 1) it will make me feel better, 2) it will allow me to live longer, and 3) it will hopefully stop any other bad disease that could come my way, such as cancer.
It's when I am feeling pretty good I think I can have anything I want, and then I feel like I am back at square one. I really need to concentrate on what is best for me.
Can you hear me constantly talking to myself. I can't even imagine giving up a bad habit. I can't give up chocolate can you imagine me being a drug head. I would be lost for sure. So in that respect I admire anyone that can give up a bad habit little alone stay on a diet even if they are being forced on it by a disease.
I JUST HAVE TO LAUGH
Okay one of the things you find out about CD is that some people can become diabetic because the one thing that isn't excluded from their diet is sugar. Once you know the candy you desire doesn't have wheat in it, you desire it even more. Depression will set in and that is the comfort food for your mood. Of course doctors warn against this, and I guess I will warn against it too, but I would be lying.
In the last two weeks I find myself graviting to safety foods. I know I can have corn. It's not perfect for my gastritis, but it's not totally bad. I also know I can have caramel. Can you see where this is going? Breakfast on a couple of days has been caramel popcorn balls.
Okay so I am going to die of a blown up diabetic stomach.
One of the frustrations of cooking GF is that for some reason some GF chefs think that if a normal chicken entrée didn't have flour it in the first place, they can throw it in the list of GF cooking recipes. Now truly do we really need to know that a chicken doesn't have flour in it. Maybe I have been cooking way too long to know that some common sense says that all meat doesn't have flour in it. Now maybe the sauces on the meat might have wheat in it and needs to be pointed out, but if the recipe didn't originally have wheat in it, don't bother putting in it the GF recipe.
What a CD would love is those recipes that are totally into wheat and how to substitute‼‼
In the last two weeks I find myself graviting to safety foods. I know I can have corn. It's not perfect for my gastritis, but it's not totally bad. I also know I can have caramel. Can you see where this is going? Breakfast on a couple of days has been caramel popcorn balls.
Okay so I am going to die of a blown up diabetic stomach.
One of the frustrations of cooking GF is that for some reason some GF chefs think that if a normal chicken entrée didn't have flour it in the first place, they can throw it in the list of GF cooking recipes. Now truly do we really need to know that a chicken doesn't have flour in it. Maybe I have been cooking way too long to know that some common sense says that all meat doesn't have flour in it. Now maybe the sauces on the meat might have wheat in it and needs to be pointed out, but if the recipe didn't originally have wheat in it, don't bother putting in it the GF recipe.
What a CD would love is those recipes that are totally into wheat and how to substitute‼‼
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
COOKING JUST ONE MEAL
Okay I appreciate that I am going to have to change my whole way of cooking, but when I got home last night, I thought I am going to attempt spaghetti. Now my husband loves spaghetti. So I picked up some gluten free spaghetti sauce, some rice noodles, I had some hamburger and mushrooms to add.
I cooked the spaghetti exactly to the instructions on the box. I have read in several spots, NOT TO OVER COOK, so as soon as I thought it was barely done, I took them off ran them through some water, and it looked like rice had returned. The noodles fell apart. Back to square one again.
But my daughter, as sweet as she is, heard there is a cooking class for gluten free victims at our local high school. So off we go to learn a whole new way of cooking.
I cooked the spaghetti exactly to the instructions on the box. I have read in several spots, NOT TO OVER COOK, so as soon as I thought it was barely done, I took them off ran them through some water, and it looked like rice had returned. The noodles fell apart. Back to square one again.
But my daughter, as sweet as she is, heard there is a cooking class for gluten free victims at our local high school. So off we go to learn a whole new way of cooking.
DAY TO DAY
Today feeling good in my own skin until… I came to work when a friend of mine said to me, "you know my sister looks on the web at each individual restaurant to see what is in the ingredients of each item before they eat out." So I decided to do that. A week prior I had gone with my kids and grandkids to McDonalds. I thought how safe could it be if I just eat french fries and the grilled breast of chicken.
So what do I find, both of them have wheat on it. I was so irritated. I wonder if there will be a day where I just say to H--- with it, I will just be careful, but not overly weary about having wheat in my life. One step forward, five steps back.
So what do I find, both of them have wheat on it. I was so irritated. I wonder if there will be a day where I just say to H--- with it, I will just be careful, but not overly weary about having wheat in my life. One step forward, five steps back.
THE GRAVEYARD
I am not sure if it would have been better becoming CD when you are young or old. When you are young you realize all the food your friends have that you wish you could have, or when you are old you realize all the good food you have had all of your life and now can't have.
Okay I will again say I can survive with all of these problems including CD, but I am increasingly making a list of those products that I love which will never cross my lips again. Let me share them with you. I know this is kind of a negative on a positive but somebody's got to make it. So goodbye forever:
Donuts, not just any donuts, but Banbury Cross donuts.
Cakes, not just any cakes, but cakes from Vancouver's True Confections
Pies that you have every Thanksgiving.
Chinese buns from New Town Bakery in Vancouver's Chinatown.
Breads from Volkers in Kamas
Breadsticks from my daughter
Hot dogs on the 4th of July from your favorite picnic.
Birthday cakes from Beau Brummels
Just picking up something wooey gooey local grocery store's pastries.
Picking up a local pizza on the spur of the moment.
Mother's Frosted Animal Crackers
Hostess Donuts
Shrimp and Macaroni salad
Green Salads
SAD‼‼‼‼‼‼‼‼‼‼‼‼‼‼‼‼‼‼‼‼‼‼‼‼‼‼‼
Okay I will again say I can survive with all of these problems including CD, but I am increasingly making a list of those products that I love which will never cross my lips again. Let me share them with you. I know this is kind of a negative on a positive but somebody's got to make it. So goodbye forever:
Donuts, not just any donuts, but Banbury Cross donuts.
Cakes, not just any cakes, but cakes from Vancouver's True Confections
Pies that you have every Thanksgiving.
Chinese buns from New Town Bakery in Vancouver's Chinatown.
Breads from Volkers in Kamas
Breadsticks from my daughter
Hot dogs on the 4th of July from your favorite picnic.
Birthday cakes from Beau Brummels
Just picking up something wooey gooey local grocery store's pastries.
Picking up a local pizza on the spur of the moment.
Mother's Frosted Animal Crackers
Hostess Donuts
Shrimp and Macaroni salad
Green Salads
SAD‼‼‼‼‼‼‼‼‼‼‼‼‼‼‼‼‼‼‼‼‼‼‼‼‼‼‼
BAKING THE REAL THING
I am one of those cooks that believes if something is unusual on the recipe, just don't do the recipe. It might be the best recipe ever, but if I have to buy some weird ingredient that I may not use again, it is not worth it. So what do I find myself buying now that I have CD, every strange flour under the sun plus gum of different sorts. I am not a chef, but I am bound and determined that some things aren't going to beat me. I will probably just give up and use Pamela's or some other sort of mainstream GF flour to buy so that I don't need to worry about mixing 7 kinds of flours to get the taste desired.
I did however buy 10 different kinds of flour, rice this, rice that, potato this, potato that. Hopefully in 10 years I will know how they all work and why I am loving them.
I did however buy 10 different kinds of flour, rice this, rice that, potato this, potato that. Hopefully in 10 years I will know how they all work and why I am loving them.
EATING OUT
My first couple of experiences were rough. I made it through, maybe not to my liking, but I did it. I had read that the Outback had a gluten free menu, so guess where the hubby and I went to. It was refreshing to find not only did they have a menu, but the waiters were experienced enough in the subject to make a customer happy. They were gracious and not defensive about it. It did make me feel like I can maybe not conquer this disease, but live with it.
Also with the gastritis problem, I saw the look on my husband's face when I was finished after about 5 bites of my steak, I ate half of my vegetables since I couldn't eat the broccoli, and I shouldn't, but I did eat all of my baked potato, and he just looked at me like we just paid for how much you didn't eat. I have turned into a bird eater. It is sad. But heaven came my way when we had ordered the dessert. It was their brownie sunday. It was so good. I knew at that point there must be a god. Not only did it give me hope to eat out, but gave me hope that there are good pastries, I just have to find them.
My husband and I went out to dinner a couple of nights later and I had taken some advice from a blog, to call beforehand to make sure they have a GF menu. The host indicated that his wife was the chef and she was CD and encourages people to come to the restaurant that are CD. It took a 10 minute conversation on the phone and it made me feel better about it.
It's going to be those restaurants that we just drop into that I am unsure how they are going to react or how I am going to function, but we are going to do it.
Also with the gastritis problem, I saw the look on my husband's face when I was finished after about 5 bites of my steak, I ate half of my vegetables since I couldn't eat the broccoli, and I shouldn't, but I did eat all of my baked potato, and he just looked at me like we just paid for how much you didn't eat. I have turned into a bird eater. It is sad. But heaven came my way when we had ordered the dessert. It was their brownie sunday. It was so good. I knew at that point there must be a god. Not only did it give me hope to eat out, but gave me hope that there are good pastries, I just have to find them.
My husband and I went out to dinner a couple of nights later and I had taken some advice from a blog, to call beforehand to make sure they have a GF menu. The host indicated that his wife was the chef and she was CD and encourages people to come to the restaurant that are CD. It took a 10 minute conversation on the phone and it made me feel better about it.
It's going to be those restaurants that we just drop into that I am unsure how they are going to react or how I am going to function, but we are going to do it.
NOT FOR DISCUSSION
My husband has a good soul, but not a lot of common sense. I am finding out a lot of men have the same issue. He came home one night so proud of himself that he was trying to help me, he had purchased 10 candy bars for $10. I soon told him "honey look at the label." Not bad, 4 of out of 10 candy bars I could have.
We went out to dinner and he asked should we get the crab stuffed shrimp appetizers. I immediately said "stuffed means bread, no go."
Every time I have to say "I can't have it," I quickly get irritated first that I really can't have it, but more importantly that I have to say that statement in the first place. For some reason that statement seems to allude into a conversation if not an argument especially in my own head. It's tiring for me to say I can't have it. Can you imagine for the people closest to you how irritating it is to continually hear that statement.
The thing I have got mad about the most, is walking into a store and seeing not what I can have, but what I can't have. The comment out of each person that I have told, is "think of all the things you can have." That is so easier said than done.
A boss of mine told me after finding that her son has crone's disease, that she thought his body already knew from the way he ate that he had crones. Through his life, he acknowledged certain foods he just really didn't like, not that he felt sick with them, but that he just didn't like them. To find out those things he didn't like were already eliminated from the crone's diet. So when I was diagnosed I thought of all the things I really didn't like in my past. I really didn't like pasta, bread, or even pizza. I had a hard time drinking certain hard liquors. I never really liked fried foods. I had a hard time eating certain really gasey vegetables or fruits. Those things I really don't like and didn't mind continuing to give them up. It was the occasional bakery cake, or the breakfast pastry that I loved. It was the sauces that had flour in them. It was the cream soup that I loved, that throws my stomach into a screaming pain. The girl scout cookies that everyone dies for once a year. The christmas cakes and cookies I will yearn for.
I know I can probably make most of everything that I do desire with special flour, it is the hassle of not just walking through a bakery and picking up what you want. I will just have to say "no."
We went out to dinner and he asked should we get the crab stuffed shrimp appetizers. I immediately said "stuffed means bread, no go."
Every time I have to say "I can't have it," I quickly get irritated first that I really can't have it, but more importantly that I have to say that statement in the first place. For some reason that statement seems to allude into a conversation if not an argument especially in my own head. It's tiring for me to say I can't have it. Can you imagine for the people closest to you how irritating it is to continually hear that statement.
The thing I have got mad about the most, is walking into a store and seeing not what I can have, but what I can't have. The comment out of each person that I have told, is "think of all the things you can have." That is so easier said than done.
A boss of mine told me after finding that her son has crone's disease, that she thought his body already knew from the way he ate that he had crones. Through his life, he acknowledged certain foods he just really didn't like, not that he felt sick with them, but that he just didn't like them. To find out those things he didn't like were already eliminated from the crone's diet. So when I was diagnosed I thought of all the things I really didn't like in my past. I really didn't like pasta, bread, or even pizza. I had a hard time drinking certain hard liquors. I never really liked fried foods. I had a hard time eating certain really gasey vegetables or fruits. Those things I really don't like and didn't mind continuing to give them up. It was the occasional bakery cake, or the breakfast pastry that I loved. It was the sauces that had flour in them. It was the cream soup that I loved, that throws my stomach into a screaming pain. The girl scout cookies that everyone dies for once a year. The christmas cakes and cookies I will yearn for.
I know I can probably make most of everything that I do desire with special flour, it is the hassle of not just walking through a bakery and picking up what you want. I will just have to say "no."
FIRST GLUTEN FREE BAKING
Even some of my GF friends did not realize that Betty Crocker had four new mixes on the market. The question was, are they in or out of your local grocery store? I didn't want to go down that road in having to order all of my food online, I just wanted to go to a local grocery store and find everything.
Since "Throw Out Day" my husband insisted he didn't want anything in the house that would make me sick. He would adapt and eat what I would eat, thank goodness we don’t' have children living in the house. So I picked up a box of Betty Crocker chocolate chip cookie mix. My husband loves chocolate chip cookies. I prayed the entire time of making them that they would be good.
He took the first bite of those gluten free cookies and realized these aren't the same cookies I use to make. They were 95% good, but still had some problems. The texture was slightly grainy and really sugary. They had a slight after taste that I didn't like. I soon realized, I can live without chocolate chip cookies, there is plenty of candy that has no flour in it. My husband loves those really cheap sandwich cookies which make me gage, guess what I think I will go out and buy.
Since "Throw Out Day" my husband insisted he didn't want anything in the house that would make me sick. He would adapt and eat what I would eat, thank goodness we don’t' have children living in the house. So I picked up a box of Betty Crocker chocolate chip cookie mix. My husband loves chocolate chip cookies. I prayed the entire time of making them that they would be good.
He took the first bite of those gluten free cookies and realized these aren't the same cookies I use to make. They were 95% good, but still had some problems. The texture was slightly grainy and really sugary. They had a slight after taste that I didn't like. I soon realized, I can live without chocolate chip cookies, there is plenty of candy that has no flour in it. My husband loves those really cheap sandwich cookies which make me gage, guess what I think I will go out and buy.
PARTY DAY
Shortly after going GF, I was invited out for a pizza and to listen to our friend's band. Every blog that I read said you need to control this yourself and not let outside influences effect your menu. So what did I do, I threw a party. Now it was definitely easier than I thought to make the menu, but it was the fact you had to do it yourself to be able to eat. I wasn't going to see restaurant food the same ever again.
SHOPPING DAY
Two days later and several more things out of my kitchen, I needed to restock and get on with my new found celiac disease life. I was ready to hit the store. I first didn't realize how much money this was going to be.
I first went to the internet again to find out what it was going to take to restock flour, just not wheat flour. Who knew it takes like eight different kinds of flours plus two types of gum to replace wheat flour. Did I ever take wheat for granted. The ideal flour is wheat because not only does it hold the item together while baking, but it turns this warm color of brown. Some flours don't do anything other than give you bulk to your pastry. It needs certain gums to hold the item together. Plus wheat is so plentiful the price is so low, unlike all of the other unusual flours that need to be imported in. Now I know why wheat is so important in everyone's daily life.
I found a lot of products on the internet to replace wheat filled items. I thought this is going to be great, so many other people before me had the answers and all I had to do is go to the store and just pay for the items. Silly me.
I soon found myself bypassing so many products, and the items I thought I could figure out set me into a tailspin. I soon realized I would have to read to pick up every item to read the label on the back. After reading the majority of labels for one particular product they all had wheat in them. Mind you I only went looking for 20 items and two hours later was still looking for 20 items.
My husband called and asked when I would be home. I was still looking for those 20 items and said I would try to hurry. I was so discouraged.
I thought I am not going to give up, just go across the street to Whole Foods, what you didn't find at the regular store you will find there. I think the first stocking clerk that I found at Whole Foods thought I was going to crack, which I did. I barely held it together in finding 5 more out of the 20 items on the list, but still not finding everything. Even though the clerk was helpful it was still disappointing that even Whole Foods didn't have everything I needed. Of course I cried all the way home.
My husband had graciously made grilled chicken with fried potatoes. After being disappointed in looking at all of that food I can't have, I was so happy to be fed.
I first went to the internet again to find out what it was going to take to restock flour, just not wheat flour. Who knew it takes like eight different kinds of flours plus two types of gum to replace wheat flour. Did I ever take wheat for granted. The ideal flour is wheat because not only does it hold the item together while baking, but it turns this warm color of brown. Some flours don't do anything other than give you bulk to your pastry. It needs certain gums to hold the item together. Plus wheat is so plentiful the price is so low, unlike all of the other unusual flours that need to be imported in. Now I know why wheat is so important in everyone's daily life.
I found a lot of products on the internet to replace wheat filled items. I thought this is going to be great, so many other people before me had the answers and all I had to do is go to the store and just pay for the items. Silly me.
I soon found myself bypassing so many products, and the items I thought I could figure out set me into a tailspin. I soon realized I would have to read to pick up every item to read the label on the back. After reading the majority of labels for one particular product they all had wheat in them. Mind you I only went looking for 20 items and two hours later was still looking for 20 items.
My husband called and asked when I would be home. I was still looking for those 20 items and said I would try to hurry. I was so discouraged.
I thought I am not going to give up, just go across the street to Whole Foods, what you didn't find at the regular store you will find there. I think the first stocking clerk that I found at Whole Foods thought I was going to crack, which I did. I barely held it together in finding 5 more out of the 20 items on the list, but still not finding everything. Even though the clerk was helpful it was still disappointing that even Whole Foods didn't have everything I needed. Of course I cried all the way home.
My husband had graciously made grilled chicken with fried potatoes. After being disappointed in looking at all of that food I can't have, I was so happy to be fed.
THROWING OUT WEEKEND
After much mental deliberation I finally came to the conclusion that going on all of these diets had to do me some good. I took the task of cleaning out the cupboards. Now mind you I am not a hoarder by any means. We basically live on a two person meal with very few leftovers, but when I see a good buy on spaghetti sauce or cake mixes I take advantage of them. Well by the time I went through the cabinets I must have collected around $50-100 worth of food and for several days later I still found items with wheat in them. Lucky for me I have three starving children with three starving families to be able to donate to.
The problem with doing this wasn't the fact I was being charitable to children and grandchildren, it wasn't the fact of cleaning out the cupboards, it was the fact that I came to a new realization of the things I wouldn't be able to eat ever again. I was sad but not yet mad.
The problem with doing this wasn't the fact I was being charitable to children and grandchildren, it wasn't the fact of cleaning out the cupboards, it was the fact that I came to a new realization of the things I wouldn't be able to eat ever again. I was sad but not yet mad.
FORCEFULLY MAKING EVERYONE LIVE MY LIFE
My sweet very energized bunny daughter in finding out that I had CD (like everyone that finds out) says to me, "Mom you can do this, your life will be so much better if you do and it really isn't that hard." So of course the next day we are taking a jaunt to the zoo with the grandkids and my daughters. We decided to stop at McDonald's. With that positive pump up from my daughter of how easy this was going to be I went up to the counter to order with all of the kids. I let them go first and I soon realized the clerk looks like a sergeant off of the show Major Payne. He is talking with this deep voice commanding the kids to tell him what they want. I almost started laughing, but I thought he needs this job just like everyone else and politely just watched him being a total lunatic. With my daughter's whisper in my ear I was the last one up and said to Sgt. McDonald "do you have a gluten free menu."
Now mind you my daughter has been a waitress for many years and one of the things you need to know in working at a restaurant by law, what is and isn't gluten free.
His response back is "what – what is gluten free". My ambition immediately deflated. I stumbled through the next comment and just said "give me a bunless grilled chicken breast." Sgt McDonalds was again thrown by the word "bunless". By the time I was done in ordering my meal I soon realized I was so thankful it was an American Caucasian taking the order, not some other ethnicity that couldn't speak English. That moment was bad enough.
The next day my husband I went to a Mexican restaurant after a long day of skiing. I again kept hearing my daughter in my ear and so I again asked the waitress if they had a gluten free menu. She said if you will wait I will be back. Here comes her manager. Her first words out of her mouth indicated even the manager was clueless. "Now it's your interpretation of gluten free, some people can eat wheat and some can't…" I knew then this was not going to be easy.
In spite of my daughter's good will, she was very angry and disappointed and so was I.
Now mind you my daughter has been a waitress for many years and one of the things you need to know in working at a restaurant by law, what is and isn't gluten free.
His response back is "what – what is gluten free". My ambition immediately deflated. I stumbled through the next comment and just said "give me a bunless grilled chicken breast." Sgt McDonalds was again thrown by the word "bunless". By the time I was done in ordering my meal I soon realized I was so thankful it was an American Caucasian taking the order, not some other ethnicity that couldn't speak English. That moment was bad enough.
The next day my husband I went to a Mexican restaurant after a long day of skiing. I again kept hearing my daughter in my ear and so I again asked the waitress if they had a gluten free menu. She said if you will wait I will be back. Here comes her manager. Her first words out of her mouth indicated even the manager was clueless. "Now it's your interpretation of gluten free, some people can eat wheat and some can't…" I knew then this was not going to be easy.
In spite of my daughter's good will, she was very angry and disappointed and so was I.
CRASH DAY
After realizing I definitely needed to do something about all of this, I started looking on the internet of the ways and steps others had gone before me. It dawned on me about half way through this voyage that my life was going to change drastically. I got despondent quickly.
Several years before 5 friends and I went to China. One of the friends had CD (celiac disease). She made our life miserable. She packed as much food as she couldn't carry (most of us were carrying it for her). In helping her we realized that she didn't have enough carbohydrates in her system for any strength or energy. Most prepackaged carbs have wheat in them. She was paper thin.
When as a group we were out for the day we would stop for meals and our tour guide was driven crazy by her demands and nervousness of what she could and couldn't eat. We finally got to Hong Kong and we didn't have our tour guide with us. After four restaurants and an hour of looking for the right restaurant, four tourists became very angry about her CD. I finally said to her "can't you have a salad," and she came back on me saying that "the salad dressing has wheat in it." I thought you would appreciate it better if you don't have the dressing, so of course I snapped back at her and told her to have vinegar and oil with her salad. End of conversation. How soon would I realize that would not be the end of MY conversation.
But after looking on the internet, and everyone else's stories regarding CD, I realized why this lady was so ornery. While I was looking on the internet a friend of mine came up to me and asked how it was going, and I just snapped, "it's not going good and it will never be good again." I told her that I didn't want to be like my friend and make everyone else's lives miserable in being around me. That CD should not be a topic in every conversation. I wanted to go to a restaurant and ordered without everyone looking at me like a freak. I am not a freak. I told her that I had been out with friends the night before and when we went to order, not only was I concerned but then I had to go through almost every item on the menu with my friends of why I couldn't eat that particular item. It was painstakingly miserable. I told my husband that night I will soon make this a non-conversation in our lives. I don't know how, but I will.
Several years before 5 friends and I went to China. One of the friends had CD (celiac disease). She made our life miserable. She packed as much food as she couldn't carry (most of us were carrying it for her). In helping her we realized that she didn't have enough carbohydrates in her system for any strength or energy. Most prepackaged carbs have wheat in them. She was paper thin.
When as a group we were out for the day we would stop for meals and our tour guide was driven crazy by her demands and nervousness of what she could and couldn't eat. We finally got to Hong Kong and we didn't have our tour guide with us. After four restaurants and an hour of looking for the right restaurant, four tourists became very angry about her CD. I finally said to her "can't you have a salad," and she came back on me saying that "the salad dressing has wheat in it." I thought you would appreciate it better if you don't have the dressing, so of course I snapped back at her and told her to have vinegar and oil with her salad. End of conversation. How soon would I realize that would not be the end of MY conversation.
But after looking on the internet, and everyone else's stories regarding CD, I realized why this lady was so ornery. While I was looking on the internet a friend of mine came up to me and asked how it was going, and I just snapped, "it's not going good and it will never be good again." I told her that I didn't want to be like my friend and make everyone else's lives miserable in being around me. That CD should not be a topic in every conversation. I wanted to go to a restaurant and ordered without everyone looking at me like a freak. I am not a freak. I told her that I had been out with friends the night before and when we went to order, not only was I concerned but then I had to go through almost every item on the menu with my friends of why I couldn't eat that particular item. It was painstakingly miserable. I told my husband that night I will soon make this a non-conversation in our lives. I don't know how, but I will.
50 YEAR OLD ADVENTURE
You know Oprah can say whatever she wants that 50 is the new 40 and that her life has changed for the better after reaching that point, I say bull shit. I don't think I am a pessimist, I try to see the light at the end of most tunnels, but why do most tunnels seem a bit longer than others.
This little adventure, [do you see me trying to see the bright side in calling it an adventure] started in February, 2008. I was going for my physical, which reminds me that someone also told me they never go for a physical, because that's when the big bad doctor tells you "you are sick," where before you know you were feeling just fine. I did however have a pain in my chest. Just prior to this I had just turned 50. I thought from the birthday experience that I was having heart problems. After having a ct scan, they diagnosed that I had gall stones and needed my gallbladder removed.
Yes I panicked. My husband says "I am a worry wort," but you know after doing a lot of defense work with medical malpractice cases I realized that anything could go including my life. I was calmed down by the most gorgeous doctor. It had nothing to do with his medical background, in fact if I had died I probably would have thanked him for just being over me at the time of my death. He reassured me that I could live with more than half of my organs gone, he didn't however tell me what side effects and residual I would have from my gall bladder being deleted from the system. I went through the procedure with flying colors until eating KFC one night my system shut down with a major case of bathroom jaunts. I soon realized that my body was not going to be the same.
In August of 2009 my husband and I went to a home tour and I slipped on a wet sandstone sidewalk. After rolling around in the rain I finally got home and in spite of the pain I thought I would be fine. This was the beginning of the ongoing. Two weeks later I decided to go see my orthopedic doctor to make sure that all of my joints were working for the ski season including my very painful leg. He then informed me that I did indeed break my leg, the back bone in my calf. It was stable so no cast.
Due to my broken leg I had been on 1000 mg. of Tylenol and 400 mg of Advil almost every 4 to 6 hours for two months. In October I started with a major case of a cold with a sinus infection, so I checked myself into the doctor's and of course all of the female ailments came out. He ran a series of blood tests and found out that my liver enzymes were elevated and also I was at the peak of menopause. It reassured me that my physical problems weren't just in my head, but were also in my actual body. He suggested having a ct scan of my abdomen.
In late October my boss from Denver called and said he was closing the Denver office and that I needed to fly over and ship all of the furniture and files back to the main office. Not only was I emotionally upset by this, but two days later I found out I was very sick. I had this bulge out of the right side of my stomach and I thought oh my liver was worse than I thought and I hadn't had the ct scan done on it yet. I was so worried I would be in Denver and have something extremely wrong. I immediately called my doctor and he reassured me that nothing would happen, my liver wasn't about to blow up. He reassured me that if something did go wrong I would be close to a hospital, but you know it is hard enough being in a hospital some distance away from your home little alone states away.
When I got to Denver I did fine, but I realized I was very uncomfortable.
For the next several months I realized that every time I ate anything beyond 2 tablespoons I would get noxiously sick. The ct scan had been performed in November and to find out I had been diagnosed with a fatty liver. I first took offense to it thinking it was because I was over weight, but I soon found out that even skinny people could have it. It could be created from drugs, overeating, a variety of things. They thought because of the high doses of pain killer due to my leg that this is what caused it. They still wanted to do an endoscopy to make sure the only thing wrong with me. Since the late date in the year I decided to push the procedure into January so that I would concentrate on the holidays and not on my physical issues.
The first thing on the agenda in January was my endoscopy. That procedure was so mild compared to a colonscopy or ct scan. The colonscopy was this horrible tasting liquid with a full day of having bathroom issues. The ct scan had better tasting liquid, but the amount that you had to drink and with my texture gage reflex over anything in bulk that tastes like a milk shake, it was hard to swallow. The endoscopy was no food after midnight, take a shot and go into a Michael Jackson trance for an hour and enjoy the ride. It was great.
After the procedure the doctor told me that I had gastritis of the stomach, which is an inflammation and swelling of the stomach, which he again attributed to the pain killers. He put me on a diet of low fat and no fiber. That diagnosis has eliminated any fresh fruits or vegetables. Also elimination of low fat food and no more than 2 oz of meat at any given meal. I knew I had to do something or I was going to feel really crappy for a long time if not for the rest of my life. Plus gastritis can turn into cancer, and I remember just feeling absolutely depressed of thinking I will never again be able to enjoy food. I wasn't a great cook, but I at least enjoyed other people's cooking and I felt cheated, but I remember turning to my husband and saying "I refuse to die over food." When you say it that way, you realize how stupid food really is.
My diet consisted of three phases. First phase, 1/2 cup of Gatorade for my electrolytes with a 1/2 cup of some kind of non-diet drink for my carbohydrates, 3/4 cup of broth with 6 saltine crackers for some bulk and salt [3 times a day for two to three days]. Then you slowly increase your food to having an egg and some canned fruit for breakfast, little meat with some kind of starch (no fiber starch such as wild or brown rice), and some vegetables for lunch and dinner. The third phase was basically adding other foods such as a starch or breads (just not whole wheat or any other fiber) and more frequent meals so you would end up with 6 small meals a day.
Another set back was when I got the actual report back from the doctor saying that I might have celiac disease. I remember reading it and feeling even more depressed thinking not only do I have to live this fat and fiber free diet, but now the elimination of wheat. I tried to stop myself from crying by telling myself that at least it wasn't cancer. I still cried.
Last and final procedure was done in March. I had a liver biopsy to make sure it really was a fatty liver and not something worse. The build up procedure and recovery before and after the actual biopsy was a bigger deal, than the less than two minute procedure. Not that a doctor doesn't have a lot of liability in playing with the liver, but I thought he just got how much for seeing me less than a few minutes. But I got a weekend of laying around the house, not doing anything to not disturb that pin hole from the biopsy.
So after much reading and learning of my different diseases, "menopausal, fat free, gluten free, fiberless stomach and fatty liver lady" I could have avoided at least two of these if I just had accepted the pain from my broken leg as being healthy. The celiac disease on the other hand supposedly was inherited. Thank goodness for ancestors. It was said that celiac disease came from those Irish that was effected from the potato famine. We won't die from a nuclear war, civilization will be phased out from all the bad diseases that come from bad food and drugs that we don't even know about.
This little adventure, [do you see me trying to see the bright side in calling it an adventure] started in February, 2008. I was going for my physical, which reminds me that someone also told me they never go for a physical, because that's when the big bad doctor tells you "you are sick," where before you know you were feeling just fine. I did however have a pain in my chest. Just prior to this I had just turned 50. I thought from the birthday experience that I was having heart problems. After having a ct scan, they diagnosed that I had gall stones and needed my gallbladder removed.
Yes I panicked. My husband says "I am a worry wort," but you know after doing a lot of defense work with medical malpractice cases I realized that anything could go including my life. I was calmed down by the most gorgeous doctor. It had nothing to do with his medical background, in fact if I had died I probably would have thanked him for just being over me at the time of my death. He reassured me that I could live with more than half of my organs gone, he didn't however tell me what side effects and residual I would have from my gall bladder being deleted from the system. I went through the procedure with flying colors until eating KFC one night my system shut down with a major case of bathroom jaunts. I soon realized that my body was not going to be the same.
In August of 2009 my husband and I went to a home tour and I slipped on a wet sandstone sidewalk. After rolling around in the rain I finally got home and in spite of the pain I thought I would be fine. This was the beginning of the ongoing. Two weeks later I decided to go see my orthopedic doctor to make sure that all of my joints were working for the ski season including my very painful leg. He then informed me that I did indeed break my leg, the back bone in my calf. It was stable so no cast.
Due to my broken leg I had been on 1000 mg. of Tylenol and 400 mg of Advil almost every 4 to 6 hours for two months. In October I started with a major case of a cold with a sinus infection, so I checked myself into the doctor's and of course all of the female ailments came out. He ran a series of blood tests and found out that my liver enzymes were elevated and also I was at the peak of menopause. It reassured me that my physical problems weren't just in my head, but were also in my actual body. He suggested having a ct scan of my abdomen.
In late October my boss from Denver called and said he was closing the Denver office and that I needed to fly over and ship all of the furniture and files back to the main office. Not only was I emotionally upset by this, but two days later I found out I was very sick. I had this bulge out of the right side of my stomach and I thought oh my liver was worse than I thought and I hadn't had the ct scan done on it yet. I was so worried I would be in Denver and have something extremely wrong. I immediately called my doctor and he reassured me that nothing would happen, my liver wasn't about to blow up. He reassured me that if something did go wrong I would be close to a hospital, but you know it is hard enough being in a hospital some distance away from your home little alone states away.
When I got to Denver I did fine, but I realized I was very uncomfortable.
For the next several months I realized that every time I ate anything beyond 2 tablespoons I would get noxiously sick. The ct scan had been performed in November and to find out I had been diagnosed with a fatty liver. I first took offense to it thinking it was because I was over weight, but I soon found out that even skinny people could have it. It could be created from drugs, overeating, a variety of things. They thought because of the high doses of pain killer due to my leg that this is what caused it. They still wanted to do an endoscopy to make sure the only thing wrong with me. Since the late date in the year I decided to push the procedure into January so that I would concentrate on the holidays and not on my physical issues.
The first thing on the agenda in January was my endoscopy. That procedure was so mild compared to a colonscopy or ct scan. The colonscopy was this horrible tasting liquid with a full day of having bathroom issues. The ct scan had better tasting liquid, but the amount that you had to drink and with my texture gage reflex over anything in bulk that tastes like a milk shake, it was hard to swallow. The endoscopy was no food after midnight, take a shot and go into a Michael Jackson trance for an hour and enjoy the ride. It was great.
After the procedure the doctor told me that I had gastritis of the stomach, which is an inflammation and swelling of the stomach, which he again attributed to the pain killers. He put me on a diet of low fat and no fiber. That diagnosis has eliminated any fresh fruits or vegetables. Also elimination of low fat food and no more than 2 oz of meat at any given meal. I knew I had to do something or I was going to feel really crappy for a long time if not for the rest of my life. Plus gastritis can turn into cancer, and I remember just feeling absolutely depressed of thinking I will never again be able to enjoy food. I wasn't a great cook, but I at least enjoyed other people's cooking and I felt cheated, but I remember turning to my husband and saying "I refuse to die over food." When you say it that way, you realize how stupid food really is.
My diet consisted of three phases. First phase, 1/2 cup of Gatorade for my electrolytes with a 1/2 cup of some kind of non-diet drink for my carbohydrates, 3/4 cup of broth with 6 saltine crackers for some bulk and salt [3 times a day for two to three days]. Then you slowly increase your food to having an egg and some canned fruit for breakfast, little meat with some kind of starch (no fiber starch such as wild or brown rice), and some vegetables for lunch and dinner. The third phase was basically adding other foods such as a starch or breads (just not whole wheat or any other fiber) and more frequent meals so you would end up with 6 small meals a day.
Another set back was when I got the actual report back from the doctor saying that I might have celiac disease. I remember reading it and feeling even more depressed thinking not only do I have to live this fat and fiber free diet, but now the elimination of wheat. I tried to stop myself from crying by telling myself that at least it wasn't cancer. I still cried.
Last and final procedure was done in March. I had a liver biopsy to make sure it really was a fatty liver and not something worse. The build up procedure and recovery before and after the actual biopsy was a bigger deal, than the less than two minute procedure. Not that a doctor doesn't have a lot of liability in playing with the liver, but I thought he just got how much for seeing me less than a few minutes. But I got a weekend of laying around the house, not doing anything to not disturb that pin hole from the biopsy.
So after much reading and learning of my different diseases, "menopausal, fat free, gluten free, fiberless stomach and fatty liver lady" I could have avoided at least two of these if I just had accepted the pain from my broken leg as being healthy. The celiac disease on the other hand supposedly was inherited. Thank goodness for ancestors. It was said that celiac disease came from those Irish that was effected from the potato famine. We won't die from a nuclear war, civilization will be phased out from all the bad diseases that come from bad food and drugs that we don't even know about.
COMING TO JESUS MEETING
There is a real fine line between being hostile mad and crazy mad. That line seems to blur between those two aspects depending on the time of day. When you find out your life isn't turning out exactly how you thought it should, it can change your mads to whatever it wants to be.
I have just been diagnosed with gastritis, which is an inflammation and swelling of the stomach. Shortly thereafter I was diagnosed with celiac disease, which is a wheat allergy. Prior to both of those I was diagnosed with a "fatty liver." Whatever that is? Now of course all of those are not cancer, I will admit, but like I tell my children look at the bright side. It's a little hard to see the bright side when there is a wall blocking it. It might take me awhile to get around the wall, but I am sure sooner or later I will see that bright side, right?
After being diagnosed, I kind of procrastinated until I was finally tired of the discomfort and said if I really try to do something about this, maybe I can get on with my life in a more healthy and full manner. So I sat down to look at the millions of blogs about this situation and I decided "this sucks." I sometimes wonder if it wouldn't be better to have a curable cancer, [sorry to any disrespect to those millions of people out there suffering from cancer, curable is the operative word] at least hopefully I would know cancer would get over one day, but no this isn't going to get over, celiac is a hereditary disease and I will live with this for the remaining part of my life. I say to myself at least I don't have another more horrific thing in my life, but then I still have to deal with this one.
I have been married three times with of course two horrible divorces. I have children that at least once in their life stopped talking to me, I dealt with horrible wicked stepmothers that loved to manipulate my children and make my life a living hell. I dealt with no money and poverty. I dealt with other loses in my life and you know I still came up swinging. I am a fighter and I am willing to fight, and it's not like the fight isn't worth fighting for. However, it’s the fight that is going to kill me.
Just as life seems to be in a calm positive motion then adversity comes crawling in. I use to make fun of old people when they would use those cliches that made them sound stupid. I have realized those cliches are coming back to haunt me. "Don't count your chickens before they hatch." I really felt like I was at a time in my life that I could really count my blessings and enjoy those same blessings I was counting. Somebody didn't tell me that I had to count them while having them dragged through the mud.
This isn't one of those informational blogs. I don't know much about anything as my kids would tell me, but this is my way of dealing with this situation. Do I blame you if you chose to read no further, no. I am not here to help anyone other than me and I am not sure even if this will help me. So read at your own peril.
I have just been diagnosed with gastritis, which is an inflammation and swelling of the stomach. Shortly thereafter I was diagnosed with celiac disease, which is a wheat allergy. Prior to both of those I was diagnosed with a "fatty liver." Whatever that is? Now of course all of those are not cancer, I will admit, but like I tell my children look at the bright side. It's a little hard to see the bright side when there is a wall blocking it. It might take me awhile to get around the wall, but I am sure sooner or later I will see that bright side, right?
After being diagnosed, I kind of procrastinated until I was finally tired of the discomfort and said if I really try to do something about this, maybe I can get on with my life in a more healthy and full manner. So I sat down to look at the millions of blogs about this situation and I decided "this sucks." I sometimes wonder if it wouldn't be better to have a curable cancer, [sorry to any disrespect to those millions of people out there suffering from cancer, curable is the operative word] at least hopefully I would know cancer would get over one day, but no this isn't going to get over, celiac is a hereditary disease and I will live with this for the remaining part of my life. I say to myself at least I don't have another more horrific thing in my life, but then I still have to deal with this one.
I have been married three times with of course two horrible divorces. I have children that at least once in their life stopped talking to me, I dealt with horrible wicked stepmothers that loved to manipulate my children and make my life a living hell. I dealt with no money and poverty. I dealt with other loses in my life and you know I still came up swinging. I am a fighter and I am willing to fight, and it's not like the fight isn't worth fighting for. However, it’s the fight that is going to kill me.
Just as life seems to be in a calm positive motion then adversity comes crawling in. I use to make fun of old people when they would use those cliches that made them sound stupid. I have realized those cliches are coming back to haunt me. "Don't count your chickens before they hatch." I really felt like I was at a time in my life that I could really count my blessings and enjoy those same blessings I was counting. Somebody didn't tell me that I had to count them while having them dragged through the mud.
This isn't one of those informational blogs. I don't know much about anything as my kids would tell me, but this is my way of dealing with this situation. Do I blame you if you chose to read no further, no. I am not here to help anyone other than me and I am not sure even if this will help me. So read at your own peril.
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