In spite of my everyday ailments and pain, there is a time in everyone's life that you have a sense of accomplishment and lately it has been mine. I know I am not getting younger, I may not be able to ski as hard as I did a few years ago, I know I have done what I can for my children, I know that my husband is my husband and hopefully without any great discomfort on one of our parts we will stay together. I have accepted what ever I can do, as little as that might be, that is the best for right now and that is okay.
My son just went into the Army, and not that I wasn't already proud of him, but the fact that he made the effort to go into the service at the age of 33 I felt was a great accomplishment on his part. It is hard to go through basic training. They treat you tough so you will be tough and it showed in his mannerisms and his face when we showed up that it was tough.
I am as proud of my two daughters, have they got to the easy part of their life, no, but they have learned a tremendous amount in the last several years. Life isn't going to be easy sometimes, but you need to keep on growing to get to the good stuff. They make me exceptionally proud.
I love my husband and everything that he has given to me, especially in the last couple of years while I have been sick. He has supported me, watched out for me, and taken care of me when I needed it.
My grandkids at this point, can they do anything wrong, according to their parents, yes, but with grandma, no. I love them so much.
Life is good and in spite of my shortcomings I feel like I am in a very comfortable state of mind. Hopefully the future will present more of hopefulness of health and happiness.
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Thursday, May 9, 2013
A Mother Suffering In Silence
Mother's Day is just days away and every year so many mothers dread the day. You ask why, children come with gifts, media outwardly celebrate, husbands may or may not bring flowers, so you ask why? Celebrating mothers do not give us a relief of the great accomplishments we have, it gives us a reminder of those things that we haven't done, the insecurities of what we should have done, and what the future may hold for what will need to be done.
My sweet daughter that is basically just starting out in life has realized that maybe even though I look pretty happy every day I have had my share of anxiety, depression, and uncertainties in life. There is happiness in all of us if we look deep enough especially when we are low. When it comes to Mother's Day it reminds us of those moments that may have not made ourselves or our family happy.
My son is about to go into the Army on Mother's Day, how apropos, seriously. I am so happy that he has found something that he wants to make a career out of. There is never a question of the happiness a mother feels when a child realizes his potential, but in the same way you fear the things he should be afraid for. Knowing he is going into an area that won't be hostile still does not give me peace of mind, what about boot camp, what about the men around him, what about all the unknowns. That is what a Mom truly thinks about, not the temporary or long term happiness he might find.
My daughter is going through the struggles of marriage, her future and just basic life. I see so much potential, and things that she can't or won't see. What is that Moms say, it was bad enough that I went through life and the trials it had to offer, little alone the life my children are going through. You cry doubly hard when your child is crying, you fear when your child is uncertain, you pray harder when your child is feeling pain.
My other daughter in spite of having the best four children in the world, that can't be a grandmother talking, still has financial, medical, spiritual and physical problems. I use to say when my kids are on their own, then they can worry about their own problems, their children problems and I can take a rest. You don't, again you worry twice or three times as hard.
As a mother, grandmother, and wife, you hold so much back because to convey these fears to your children, just exasperates their fears, a mother wouldn't do that. So you hold so much in silence and hope that life treats them better than it did to you. That even though you may be the happiest you have ever been, it still allows the past to creep in of your own memories of growing.
A good friend told me the other day, "a mother's happiness is as happy as your saddest child." It is so true.
This does sound like the saddest Mother's Day tribute, but in reality sometimes things needs to be said so those around you can relate and feel that they aren't the only ones that feel this way.
I do hope that Mother's Day will be good this year. I do hope those mothers including my own daughters will be happier than I am anticipating and if not we can commiserate together. Cheers to womanhood and mothers.
My sweet daughter that is basically just starting out in life has realized that maybe even though I look pretty happy every day I have had my share of anxiety, depression, and uncertainties in life. There is happiness in all of us if we look deep enough especially when we are low. When it comes to Mother's Day it reminds us of those moments that may have not made ourselves or our family happy.
My son is about to go into the Army on Mother's Day, how apropos, seriously. I am so happy that he has found something that he wants to make a career out of. There is never a question of the happiness a mother feels when a child realizes his potential, but in the same way you fear the things he should be afraid for. Knowing he is going into an area that won't be hostile still does not give me peace of mind, what about boot camp, what about the men around him, what about all the unknowns. That is what a Mom truly thinks about, not the temporary or long term happiness he might find.
My daughter is going through the struggles of marriage, her future and just basic life. I see so much potential, and things that she can't or won't see. What is that Moms say, it was bad enough that I went through life and the trials it had to offer, little alone the life my children are going through. You cry doubly hard when your child is crying, you fear when your child is uncertain, you pray harder when your child is feeling pain.
My other daughter in spite of having the best four children in the world, that can't be a grandmother talking, still has financial, medical, spiritual and physical problems. I use to say when my kids are on their own, then they can worry about their own problems, their children problems and I can take a rest. You don't, again you worry twice or three times as hard.
As a mother, grandmother, and wife, you hold so much back because to convey these fears to your children, just exasperates their fears, a mother wouldn't do that. So you hold so much in silence and hope that life treats them better than it did to you. That even though you may be the happiest you have ever been, it still allows the past to creep in of your own memories of growing.
A good friend told me the other day, "a mother's happiness is as happy as your saddest child." It is so true.
This does sound like the saddest Mother's Day tribute, but in reality sometimes things needs to be said so those around you can relate and feel that they aren't the only ones that feel this way.
I do hope that Mother's Day will be good this year. I do hope those mothers including my own daughters will be happier than I am anticipating and if not we can commiserate together. Cheers to womanhood and mothers.
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Tauting Your Love
I have never been one for tauting my love for my husband, especially on our anniversary, it seems so cheesy when I read of someone doing that, isn't that sort of private, I don't know, I'm old fashioned. I remember my mom and dad's anniversary, which I think it is sort of odd too. Why would I remember something that they celebrate, maybe because I had parents that stayed married unlike I. Well since no one really reads this blog, I guess it is sort of personal, even the hubby won't read this blog. I will be dead and buried and someone will find this and read it and say, "that is what grandma... really felt about all these issues." Dah maybe if you had been hearing me all of these years you wouldn't be surprised.
Well just so you know it is my wedding anniversary, I don't even know which one it is, maybe 15th or 16th, to the third husband. I guess the other two don't count since I did divorce them, shouldn't you celebrate the divorced dates, that should be a happy moment in my life, but I don't. Happy Wedding Anniversary, hubby. See no one replied back honey, it really is between me and me.
The funny thing though I went to work and told them we were going away for our Wedding Anniversary and we started analyzing husbands of how they are today versus years in the past and what do we really look forward to. When you are first married you beg, plead, argue and disagree with your husband of what his true calling is in this relationship. Picking up a few dishes would be nice, vacuuming, what a concept, do we have it for laundry duty for the husband, we do until he shrinks all of your work clothes and you realize your dry cleaning bill is better for your sanity.
If only our daughters and younger sisters realize that this is a growing process. You can't revamp any husband over night, so after many days, weeks and months of arguing, they start changing. You hope they change for the better of the relationship, not the worse. Now after many years of being together you think it would get better, yes it does get better, but worse in many other ways. Now my husband would say it, "I only think of you." Now I have told him many times, he is definitely not thinking of me, in fact I can say he is actually lying. For whose benefit you ask, for his. Now he is helping out with the dishes, when he wants to, he does vacuum when he would rather take that task then hear me yell, and he does do laundry because I refuse to do it. Grudgingly. Now seriously, am I going to split hairs here. Take the help I get (grudgingly), or don't. Hmmmmmmmm that one is a tough decision.
Would he say something else if he was writing this, dah of course, grudging comes hand and hand with yelling. I yell, he grudges, I yell, he grudges, on and on and on. That is what they call a marriage.
I will say one thing for my wonderful (but grudging husband), since I got sick, my husband has been so much more helpful and loving. He has tried to help even in a grudging voice, which when you really think about it isn't his fault, he is a husband. So what I say to all of those newbie wives, just accept the grudging, its better than nothing at all.
Happy Wedding Anniversary, to my husband!!!!
Well just so you know it is my wedding anniversary, I don't even know which one it is, maybe 15th or 16th, to the third husband. I guess the other two don't count since I did divorce them, shouldn't you celebrate the divorced dates, that should be a happy moment in my life, but I don't. Happy Wedding Anniversary, hubby. See no one replied back honey, it really is between me and me.
The funny thing though I went to work and told them we were going away for our Wedding Anniversary and we started analyzing husbands of how they are today versus years in the past and what do we really look forward to. When you are first married you beg, plead, argue and disagree with your husband of what his true calling is in this relationship. Picking up a few dishes would be nice, vacuuming, what a concept, do we have it for laundry duty for the husband, we do until he shrinks all of your work clothes and you realize your dry cleaning bill is better for your sanity.
If only our daughters and younger sisters realize that this is a growing process. You can't revamp any husband over night, so after many days, weeks and months of arguing, they start changing. You hope they change for the better of the relationship, not the worse. Now after many years of being together you think it would get better, yes it does get better, but worse in many other ways. Now my husband would say it, "I only think of you." Now I have told him many times, he is definitely not thinking of me, in fact I can say he is actually lying. For whose benefit you ask, for his. Now he is helping out with the dishes, when he wants to, he does vacuum when he would rather take that task then hear me yell, and he does do laundry because I refuse to do it. Grudgingly. Now seriously, am I going to split hairs here. Take the help I get (grudgingly), or don't. Hmmmmmmmm that one is a tough decision.
Would he say something else if he was writing this, dah of course, grudging comes hand and hand with yelling. I yell, he grudges, I yell, he grudges, on and on and on. That is what they call a marriage.
I will say one thing for my wonderful (but grudging husband), since I got sick, my husband has been so much more helpful and loving. He has tried to help even in a grudging voice, which when you really think about it isn't his fault, he is a husband. So what I say to all of those newbie wives, just accept the grudging, its better than nothing at all.
Happy Wedding Anniversary, to my husband!!!!
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Happy Regrets of a Good Friend
I have a friend that died the other day at the age of 90. The older I get the younger 90 seems. I was lucky to see her after many years on her birthday. When I went to her birthday party I was so astonished that not very many people showed up for it. So many people in my own workplace had commented of how she made them laugh and how nice she was. I thought surely with all these comments that more people would have showed up.
I realized in going to her funeral that I really didn't know this person at all. In all the times we sat down to have lunch and talk she never really was proud enough to tout her own achievements to me. In listening to the speakers' talks I realized also that she was a great listerner and a great problem solver for others. I soon realized that she didn't take pride in her accomplishments but she was actually helping me to solve my day to day problems in life during those lunchs.
I felt bad that I hadn't taken the time to know her, to know that she was a great play director, that she knew most of the governors of our fine state by first name, that she traveled the world, that she painted not just a few paintings but a lot of paintings.
I realized that when you become retired and out of the mainstream of life that people either die off around you, or you are so soon forgotten. She touched so many people's lives in so many ways and even though she had been pretty much housebound for many years, those people that were still alive didn't feel it sufficient to attend her funeral. It was very sad.
The funeral was beautiful, the music was the best I had ever heard in a funeral. The talks were well played out. I couldn't feel sad for losing her though. For some reason I knew her, like the talks stated, with a mischievous twinkle in her eye and a joke at every turn. I felt, like her son said, don't be sad or cry for her because she would have rather passed with a joke and have you laughing. I don't think I have ever gone to a funeral and smiling through the entire thing. It was a good day for her and me.
Was I good friend to her, probably not, but I allowed her to be my friend and part of my memories and that was good for me. Thank you dear friend.
I realized in going to her funeral that I really didn't know this person at all. In all the times we sat down to have lunch and talk she never really was proud enough to tout her own achievements to me. In listening to the speakers' talks I realized also that she was a great listerner and a great problem solver for others. I soon realized that she didn't take pride in her accomplishments but she was actually helping me to solve my day to day problems in life during those lunchs.
I felt bad that I hadn't taken the time to know her, to know that she was a great play director, that she knew most of the governors of our fine state by first name, that she traveled the world, that she painted not just a few paintings but a lot of paintings.
I realized that when you become retired and out of the mainstream of life that people either die off around you, or you are so soon forgotten. She touched so many people's lives in so many ways and even though she had been pretty much housebound for many years, those people that were still alive didn't feel it sufficient to attend her funeral. It was very sad.
The funeral was beautiful, the music was the best I had ever heard in a funeral. The talks were well played out. I couldn't feel sad for losing her though. For some reason I knew her, like the talks stated, with a mischievous twinkle in her eye and a joke at every turn. I felt, like her son said, don't be sad or cry for her because she would have rather passed with a joke and have you laughing. I don't think I have ever gone to a funeral and smiling through the entire thing. It was a good day for her and me.
Was I good friend to her, probably not, but I allowed her to be my friend and part of my memories and that was good for me. Thank you dear friend.
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