COMING TO JESUS MEETING

There is a real fine line between being hostile mad and crazy mad. That line seems to blur between those two aspects depending on the time of day. When you find out your life isn't turning out exactly how you thought it should, it can change your mads to whatever it wants to be.

I have just been diagnosed with gastritis, which is an inflammation and swelling of the stomach. Shortly thereafter I was diagnosed with celiac disease, which is a wheat allergy. Prior to both of those I was diagnosed with a "fatty liver." Whatever that is? Now of course all of those are not cancer, I will admit, but like I tell my children look at the bright side. It's a little hard to see the bright side when there is a wall blocking it. It might take me awhile to get around the wall, but I am sure sooner or later I will see that bright side, right?

After being diagnosed, I kind of procrastinated until I was finally tired of the discomfort and said if I really try to do something about this, maybe I can get on with my life in a more healthy and full manner. So I sat down to look at the millions of blogs about this situation and I decided "this sucks." I sometimes wonder if it wouldn't be better to have a curable cancer, [sorry to any disrespect to those millions of people out there suffering from cancer, curable is the operative word] at least hopefully I would know cancer would get over one day, but no this isn't going to get over, celiac is a hereditary disease and I will live with this for the remaining part of my life. I say to myself at least I don't have another more horrific thing in my life, but then I still have to deal with this one.

I have been married three times with of course two horrible divorces. I have children that at least once in their life stopped talking to me, I dealt with horrible wicked stepmothers that loved to manipulate my children and make my life a living hell. I dealt with no money and poverty. I dealt with other loses in my life and you know I still came up swinging. I am a fighter and I am willing to fight, and it's not like the fight isn't worth fighting for. However, it’s the fight that is going to kill me.

Just as life seems to be in a calm positive motion then adversity comes crawling in. I use to make fun of old people when they would use those cliches that made them sound stupid. I have realized those cliches are coming back to haunt me. "Don't count your chickens before they hatch." I really felt like I was at a time in my life that I could really count my blessings and enjoy those same blessings I was counting. Somebody didn't tell me that I had to count them while having them dragged through the mud.

This isn't one of those informational blogs. I don't know much about anything as my kids would tell me, but this is my way of dealing with this situation. Do I blame you if you chose to read no further, no. I am not here to help anyone other than me and I am not sure even if this will help me. So read at your own peril.