THIS BLOG HAS NOT BEEN SUPPLIED WITH ANY PHOTOS - UNLESS YOU WANT TO SEE COLON AND BOWEL IMAGES

Thursday, July 7, 2011

F____ Doctors

Oh I lost my peps on that title didn't I. Well let me tell you, after this week and several months of dealing with idiot doctors I have come to the conclusion that there are very few of them that really care, they are so tired of dealing with the insurance that they rush patients through to get enough money to pay for the malpractice insurance and they might yet have a major malpractice case from me.


At the beginning of the year I finally came to the conclusion that I needed to call an orthopedic specialist to deal with the pain in my neck. Well after making several phone calls I soon realized that they all don't deal with the neck and there really isn't anything they can do than send you to physical therapy which actually only gives you temporary relief and then it runs your money out and you are still at square one. Plus getting an appointment was like three months out, WHAT ABOUT THE PAIN, it would have been easier to check into the ER. One doctor's office was like a patient mill, another doctor's office barely gave me enough information to move to physical therapy, the pain doctor told me at the appointment that he could help, but as I was laying on a guerney going into surgery, he said this might not work, and one doctor finally gave me some answers and the time he spent probably dipped into his other patient's time.


I soon felt thereafter that I needed to deal with my stomach issues and try to get some answers there. I had told my friend of the experience I had with my past doctor. I loved the doctor, but after the colonoscopy and the endoscopy, he moved me to his PA (Physician Assistant) which I learned down the road that she gave me several wrong answers. But that wasn't good enough the PA sent me to her A (Assistant) which had no answers and it took me days to get a hold of her. So my friend sent me to her supposed personable doctor.


Oh it is so good that I took a couple of days to actually write this, because two days ago I was spitting. Every other word would have been a foul word, at least now it is usually just one in a paragraph.


I wanted to be prepared with a whole sheet of questions, I didn't really care if I had long lengthy answers, I just needed an answer. Well my first mistake was I had been out in my yard for three days gardening and by the time I saw him I was exhausted. I just needed one of these doctors to listen to my questions and answer me and I guess I got a little emotional. So when I started asking my questions, I started to cry. I wasn't upset that I had celiac disease, but that I was tired of dealing with doctors and just frustrated. He obviously took it that I was upset about the disease and dealing with my issues. Now being away from his office, I want to scream, I am not in the state of denial, and your an idiot not to investigate why I was crying than assuming, you are an a__.


You know as a grandmother I have learned, if you swear in front of your grandchildren you totally discredit yourself, well I figured with the maybe two people that read this entry, they can just ignore this entry. The grandchildren probably won't even care to read it until they are over the age of 21.


So while I was asking this idiot questions, he kept saying I think you need a support group, I think you need to see a dietitian, he kept repeating himself, I told him that I had a support group at work with a few people that have celiac disease. He didn't buy it. He was talking a mile a minute and if he wasn't saying I need a support group and dietitian, he was ripping off like he knew his medical Black's dictionary better than most and wanted to prove it to me. Now really do think I just understood your 15 minute lecture of the day, dumbass. Now looking back I just realized that everytime I said celiac disease I think he got upset because he was either trying to correct me with the correct term, "celiac sprue," or he was too impressed with himself. Too bad on both parts.


So as he was walking off out of the office like I had the plague or of course he had to get to the next patient for that big money, I said to him, do you want to take some blood tests. He said "not really I will after you're done with the dietitian, now truly do you think the dietitian is going to know what my count is on my celiac (oh sorry celiac sprue) or how much wheat I have been eating, another assumption on his part.


I had to laugh one of the questions I had was "I want to go to Paris and how much damage will I do if I am tempted with croissants in Paris and just want one and I eat it." His answer was if you can tolerate it and it doesn't make you sick, go ahead eat gluten, enjoy yourself," Now does that really answer the bloody question. I am not intolerant, I have a disease, will it cause problems down the road, obviously by his answer, go ahead and eat whatever you want, whenever you want as long as it doesn't hurt. So I hit the bakery on the way home, not because I can or should, just because he is an idiot. Of course it will hurt me in the end more than him, but right now I didn't give a shit, I was pissed.


Another question was "my stomach seemed to have gotten blotted overnight and I am retaining water. " The doctor replied, "I am sure you are eating too much wheat." Now truly does wheat retain water, and make you sick when I didn't even know I had the disease until I got sick with gastritis and this seems like the same pain with my stomach with the gastritis and the fatty liver." No answer, what a surprise on that one.


The best question was, "we'll I ever get over the gastritis or can this turn into cancer." The idiot doctor said, "I have never heard of anyone getting cancer from gastritis." And I am thinking that is not what the Mayo Clinic wrote on the Internet. Hmmmm, what a dumbass.


I think I only got through a couple of questions, and I could tell he was tired of me and wanted that next 15 minutes on his paycheck, and I was tired of his arrogant, superficial, and pretty much stupid attitude. He wasn't giving me any answers, and he wasn't patient enough to listen to the rest of the questions.


I have to laugh every time I meet someone like him and I want to say, you are waiting for a lawsuit. My father was slowly over many years had his intestine removed and eventually on a bag. Could it have been celiac disease ("sprue" sorry), probably.


Why cannot I just have a fulfilling 15 minutes without an arrogant asshole to deal with. This is why the insurance system is basically stupid. I have paid (essentially through my insurance) four doctor opinions that either too busy, too important, too something else and got nothing out of them, but they received close to $600 for each visit. Now who is the stupid ass, me for going, or them for being them, right now I am re-evaluating.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Judgment Day

Oh yeah, you knew, sometime or another it had to happen, that I would approach this subject and you would have to deal with it.

I just did a yoga test with my daughter. It was to show what type of personality you are and what you are trying to achieve. Well it showed that both Randi and I had a long way to go to perfection. It showed that your achievement in life was to want less, to ask for less, to desire less, that way you have more room to give, nor more stuff, but more of yourself to give. I definitely feel like I have not accomplished that.

The test also showed that we weren't totally high strung, but strung enough to periodically fuel a fire in an argument or to get upset where the cause doesn't warrant it. The training of yoga is to allow not only your body to learn how to build in different aspects, but also your mind and your character.

It made me think after we took this test and after we had a discussion about the real world, about religion and how religion is always putting Judgment Day around the corner. We agreed that those that live for the golden rules, usually live for the golden rules within their own kind not with those around them that aren't. In particular, the religion that I was raised in, if you talked to anyone within that religion they would say "we're not judgmental, we encourage relationships amongst those that aren't within our religion." From being from both sides of the fence, that its total malarkey.

I find myself constantly justifying to those that are part of my past religion that I am still a good person, a good mother, and a good wife and friend. Just because I don't go to church doesn't mean I am not spiritual,that I am not good, and that I am not worthy having people treat me with the golden rule like they are ordered by their own God.

Over the years I felt a constant pressure of proving myself, now I laugh and think you are the ones being judgmental, thinking you are above all that are not part of your religion. You have been taught life is only right within your own environment and not mine. I heard a saying a long time ago when I actually was going to church, this guy in high authority in the church said, "I was asked once, who do you think will be in heave with you, and I replied, won't you be surprised who will be in heaven, won't you be surprised if I am in heave and won't you be surprised if you are in heaven."

It is a working effort on all people to not just believe in the golden rules, but to actually act upon them to all people, all humans are children of God, not just the ones that walk through the door at church every Sunday. I feel sorry to those that truly believe they are living righteously and they are so wrong. I don't need someone telling me my judgment day is around the corner, and I am less than they are. I know I need to improve, but I can't be any worse than those judging me from every angle. Allow God and myself do the judgment of myself not YOU.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Planning for the Future

Okay I just got over the intestinal flu for five straight days, and believe me, I swear I was going to die. At one point, I thought it would be easier to die than feel this bad. While I was laying in bed and was so weak that I couldn't do anything, I looked around at my predicament and thought I need to make note of this, so when I am old and feeble, when my mind has gone south and my children or husband aren't listening to me, I can give them a list of things I immediately want in my presence until the day I am not ill anymore.

Now why or why when you ask your husband for a drink with a straw, that every drink after the first is missing the very important element, the straw. I can't tell you how many times I was too weak to leave a wet bed. So the first thing on my list is a stack of straws right next to the bed.

This must have been one of those flues that just didn't let go of the bathroom visits in more ways than one. Every bathroom in a 5 mile radius needs to have baby wipes and hopefully the ones that don't have alcohol in them. This really must be a Man's World since what mother would make baby wipes with alcohol in them. Reminder: I need to write that manufacturer.

Place strategically, several pairs of underwear and night gowns in each bathroom, with a diaper genie, a bottle of spray and wash for those moments of ugly. Need I say more.

Not realizing what all these trips to the bathroom would do to my body, I just laid there and slowly my body just shriveled up and got more and more dehydrated. Definitely a large supply of lotion, again another product without alcohol in it.

I soon realized that you should grow your hair out right before getting sick, there is nothing uglier than short hair and a 24 hour stay in bed. That hair has no respect for your beauty.

A 24 hour maid service, if your house doesn't need cleaning I am sure an every hour refresher of sheets and linens would be extremely grateful.

A masseuse. I didn't realize how when you get older, dehydration takes such a toll on your muscles. I kept getting charlie-horses in my legs and feet. Plus every muscle in my body just ached for days. Oh yeah, definitely a masseuse.

One last thing, take out every mirror within a five block radius. It is just down right hideous to see yourself in that state. Once you are better and the mirrors are returned, be happily surprised after you have lost 20 lbs, from lack of eating, and actually have your hair and makeup done once again.

You can jump past the above items if you just remember one thing, don't wait until the 5th day to finally start drinking. Learn the lesson: alcohol will wash and sterilize the intestine immediately on the first day, and you will feel so much better one way or the other.

Reminder to Me: Keep this list close with your donor list, you may need it just before the donor list. Just a reminder those organs may not be harvestable if too much consumption of alcohol has been taken prior to donating.

I love being healthy!!!!!!

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Senior Blues

I have just come across the factor of getting old and maybe even getting more depressed. When you are young, you think of getting to those senior years where you can be retired and happy. Where you can do anything and on your own timetable.

A friend of mine called me and she is now approximately 20 years older than me. She finally had to recognize and also bring it to the attention of her own doctor, which should know better, that she is depressed. I had to tell her that a boss of mine that is 10 years older than me was questioned by his doctor if he was depressed. Now I truly don't see either one of these individuals being depressed.

I have another friend that just lost her husband of 25 years at the age of 58 from a fatal heart attack. Her comment was all I want to do is take pain medication and go out with him.

Just recently I have been noticing that maybe my own husband even though he is 5 years older that maybe he is going through his own moments. He has a yappy wife, no children that come around except for his step-children, his employment has drastically changed over the last couple of years to where it is so boring he can hardly stand it, and life just isn't what it is cracked up to be. What signs do you watch for beyond just taking life a little slower, is it depression, or just enjoying the slow moments of not worrying so much about everyday life.

I love my children, and of course just like I in return can drive them crazy, I can be driven crazy. I guess just recently I have really realized that they all have their own families, their own interests, and their own lives basically without me in them. I am a sideline. Even though I am related by blood and spirit, I am not in their narrow margin of actually being part of their families. We trip separately, we believe in god differently, our everyday schedules are completely different. When they talk about cutting the apron strings, I thought I had easily done that without much thought, now I am really realizing I did it too well where they are totally separate from me without much thought on their part.

I never thought friends would be so more important than your own family. I have cherished my friendships that we have constructed through necessity of lack of family. I didn't realize until just recently how I have depended on those friendships. Several of our friends are moving back out of state and I do believe it has effected us. There is no question, life is on a constant change. Some people handle it better than others, and I have never seen my husband or I being one that can't change with it. It just seems to come as a blow when it all happens all at once.

When my friend was telling me that she had to go on anti-depressants and her husband didn't want her to say anything for fear of the stigmas attached to it, I wondered if I would be able to see the signs if and when it would happen to me and would I accept better the medicine that in my generation doesn't seem to attach that stigma, I don't know.

All we can do is accept what we have today within whatever light we have, and hope that the dark will not over consume us. It is a constant effort and hopefully I can personally stay with it.

P.S. That is why I have a motorcycle, everyone is happy on a motorcycle!!!!!

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Happy Year - Happy St. Patrick's Day

Okay it has been a year since I started going gluten and fiber free. Happy Year to me. I have gone through the stages of death to food.
First denial, this truly can not be happening to me. I have aged to what and never new I couldn't eat certain food.
Second, anger, oh was I mad, especially when I left the store the first time in not being able to negotiate even buying my groceries. I was pissed.
Third, negotiating, I thought surely this doesn't mean everything that the doctor is saying, oh boy did I get in trouble when I started eating the wrong foods.
Fourth, depression, everytime there was a party, or an event at work, I would get really depressed that I would never be able to eat the foods I loved again.
Fifth, acceptance, yes it has taken me almost a year to accept this situation and now I understand it, I accept it. Do I trip up and have flour every once in awhile, you bet, but I always regret it. Do I eat fiber when I know it is going to hurt me, yes, and now I have learned.

I think the hardest and the most unaccepting was the fiber free. I knew I sort of did this to myself, by unknowingly taking tylenol too much. I thought I was safe and I really didn't have an idea that I was ruining my stomach. At one point I could eat anything and I felt really lucky I didn't have allergies or any other thing stopping what I really wanted in food. Now if I had only known would I have done anything different, I don't think anyone does anything different, I believe all of us feel we are immuned to it as long as we don't hurt, at that point it is way too late.

This year has been more of a negotiating, like I said until it hurts us. Since I knew I couldn't eat flour, I negotiated by eating too much with fiber in my stomach that it wouldn't take it. Several times during the year I find myself going back to square one of no fiber in the diet when my stomach would hurt way too much and I knew I was just hurting myself, but I thought if I gave up flour I need something, there goes that negotiation again.

When I was so sick I had lost about 20 lbs. and felt really good in my clothes and just my all around health even though I really wasn't eating anything. Once I went off of flour I started, again negotiating, if I can't have cakes and cookies, I can have candy, and oh did I eat candy. I have gained back that 20 lbs. and more and now regret every bite.

St. Patrick's Day is my funniest holiday. You don't have to do anything, but enjoy it. Good food, good drinks and just a celebration of friends and fun. Will I be eating cornbeef and cabbage, probably not the cabbage and a mild serving of cornbeef. You can negotiate your life to be better or feel sick, and I have chosen to feel better. Happy St. Patrick's Day to all my friends and family and enjoy all the good things in life as long as it doesn't hurt you.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Laughing Pioneer Woman

Okay if you wanted to get away from your problems and just have a little fun with your friend, you would go with her to a book signing of Pioneer Woman's new book " Ree Drummond was just as cute as she is on her blog. I know you are suppose to write like you experience, think and talk, but it was almost like her blog had started narrating in first person. It was weird.


After listening to her answer questions, Pam and I had time to just relax and talk while we waited our turn to go up and have her sign our copy of the book. We laughed and laughed. It was such a fun and relaxing evening and it didn't seem like either one of us had any physical problems. I decided you need more of those days when life is light and unwanting of anything necessary.


I know that my friend is reading this, and if anyone in spite of all her physical ailments takes days with the upmost oppotomism it is my friend, Pam. You never know when you or the ones that you are around's time is up, but it takes these kind of nights to remember that you have really true friends out there and you need not to think of your ailments but cherish the moments you can laugh.


Thank you my friend.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Star Trek Therapy

Star Trek was one of my many favorite shows when I was a kid. At my age I was really a baby when that series was on, JK. You would think that after all of this time that Capt. Kirk would be there for me, I was there for him everyday. You would think after all of this time that medical science would come up with better ways of treating patients. I remember that ship would have a simple medical scanner that would go over your body, you would lay on a bed and some how miraculously become healed. THAT'S WHAT I WANT.

After coming back to work and talking to several co-workers regarding almost the same symptoms, I cancelled my acupuncturist appointment and is heading for destinations that I really don't want to be in, back into the medical rat race.

I talked with a coworker and she said she spent 5 years, 3 doctors, 1 acupuncturist (including my acupuncturist), a masseuse, and many physical workouts to have one final doctor tell her that it was carpel tunnel syndrome and the only thing that would help is an operation.

After dealing with my gastro doctor, I realized this world is turning into a medical wasteland. The physicians join these group organizations that have a million doctors in them, with a million more staff. You never really talk to the doctor, you don't even talk to the physician's assistant, you get the staff that basically barely knows what your symptoms are, little alone the cure. They don't read the file before calling you, and they have this pat answer for everything. IT DRIVES ME CRAZY.

I shouldn't complain since I work for one of those large company's with a million attorneys, with a million more staff supporting them, and we have those pat answers for everything. Our attorneys specialize usually in one field of law, they no NOTHING, and I mean nothing regarding any other field of law, which is good and bad for the client. You get the top expertise for what the client directly wants, but heaven forbid if they sway from the topic, because then that attorney is swimming to find the next expert for the next subject.

I guess it's better than having the country hick doctor or attorney assisting you when their knowledge is even more narrow. Oh well.

So what did I do, I took the young and stupid route, I came to work, went directly to my computer, plugged into Youtube and put in Carpel Tunnel exercises. Zasam, a million vidoes of physical therapy at my finger. Update on self-diagnosing, self-physical therapy, and self-treatment of my ailments later.