Senior Blues

I have just come across the factor of getting old and maybe even getting more depressed. When you are young, you think of getting to those senior years where you can be retired and happy. Where you can do anything and on your own timetable.

A friend of mine called me and she is now approximately 20 years older than me. She finally had to recognize and also bring it to the attention of her own doctor, which should know better, that she is depressed. I had to tell her that a boss of mine that is 10 years older than me was questioned by his doctor if he was depressed. Now I truly don't see either one of these individuals being depressed.

I have another friend that just lost her husband of 25 years at the age of 58 from a fatal heart attack. Her comment was all I want to do is take pain medication and go out with him.

Just recently I have been noticing that maybe my own husband even though he is 5 years older that maybe he is going through his own moments. He has a yappy wife, no children that come around except for his step-children, his employment has drastically changed over the last couple of years to where it is so boring he can hardly stand it, and life just isn't what it is cracked up to be. What signs do you watch for beyond just taking life a little slower, is it depression, or just enjoying the slow moments of not worrying so much about everyday life.

I love my children, and of course just like I in return can drive them crazy, I can be driven crazy. I guess just recently I have really realized that they all have their own families, their own interests, and their own lives basically without me in them. I am a sideline. Even though I am related by blood and spirit, I am not in their narrow margin of actually being part of their families. We trip separately, we believe in god differently, our everyday schedules are completely different. When they talk about cutting the apron strings, I thought I had easily done that without much thought, now I am really realizing I did it too well where they are totally separate from me without much thought on their part.

I never thought friends would be so more important than your own family. I have cherished my friendships that we have constructed through necessity of lack of family. I didn't realize until just recently how I have depended on those friendships. Several of our friends are moving back out of state and I do believe it has effected us. There is no question, life is on a constant change. Some people handle it better than others, and I have never seen my husband or I being one that can't change with it. It just seems to come as a blow when it all happens all at once.

When my friend was telling me that she had to go on anti-depressants and her husband didn't want her to say anything for fear of the stigmas attached to it, I wondered if I would be able to see the signs if and when it would happen to me and would I accept better the medicine that in my generation doesn't seem to attach that stigma, I don't know.

All we can do is accept what we have today within whatever light we have, and hope that the dark will not over consume us. It is a constant effort and hopefully I can personally stay with it.

P.S. That is why I have a motorcycle, everyone is happy on a motorcycle!!!!!