It's o-Kay

I talked in a blog a few back of a friend that became sick with cancer. Her friends were told about a month ago that she had cancer, but some of us were under the assumption she would have more time than a month. She died on Friday, 7:30 a.m. from a very aggressive cancer. This blog is about me being sick and how I am relating to it so I don't really want to stay on the subject of my friend's cancer. I don't even want to reflect on my own ailments. I just want to make a tribute to a dear friend that I have lost.

When you go through something like this, for some reason it really doesn't matter what anyone else has gone through, they might relate, but death is such a personal issue to each one of us, and it hurts. I feel bad that I won't see her smile and be able to talk to her. I feel bad that I didn't say enough while she was still alive. That I took so much for granted. I knew the day would come that one of us six would get sick and die, I am just not ready for it to happen so young and so early.

This woman was 59 years old, not old enough to die and surely not old enough for me to let her go. She was a perfect friend. Not only was she there to help answer questions, but she knew the right questions to ask. She always showed up with a smile on her face no matter what her problem was that week. She was not only a super friend she was a super human being. She had the kindest heart. She was a good employee to all of her bosses. Not only was she super to me, but her family was her life and she would do anything for them. She has lived through a lot in her life, but always had her chin held high but not high enough to not do anything for anyone.

I too have gone through a lot, but as I was mourning my lose, her personality kept resonating through my thoughts and I kept hearing myself say this pain will go away and I will be o-kay one day. I will get use to not having her around and she will be a really good memory and not as much hurt. It will be o-kay. Did I say her name was "Kay."

There aren't many like you Kay and I will surely miss you. Until we see each other again, thank you for the memories.

Husbands

When you put a husband and wife together, you truly have to remember that they came from separate lifestyles and worlds. My husband, as sweet as he is, does have his drawbacks. His mother (heaven forbid that I would bring up his mother's name) was raised off of the farm. The food they had is what they grew, so spices and incorporating different elements into a dish was not heard of. He became the posterchild for meat and potatoes. Anything different he scoffs at.

Now then there is me, I also came not essentially from a farm, but my mother never learned how to cook so we too did not incorporate too many spices into our cooking. But over many years and experiences I have learned good cooking takes incorporating a lot of ideas: spices, cooking procedures, and so on.

Now what unnerves me is, my husband and I do travel together, we don't do extensive traveling, but for either business or other personal reasons we have stayed in a variety of B&Bs, we have gone to fine restaurants, we have pretty much run the gambit of fine dining. Every time we do go into one of these establishments, and especially in front of other people, my husband will sit there rant and rave about how good the food is. I wonder if he does it just so that his money is worth more than just the food.

Since I became celiac, my whole life has turned upside down. The unusual is now my normal. I cannot go into any restaurants and just order anything because it might have flour in it. My husband is highly sensitive to this as well. As you can see he immediately told me to get all flour out of the house. So for me to eat out it is not the impossible, it is just the complicated that I don't really want to deal with.

So day in and day out I search for good and easy recipes that both I can eat and my husband can enjoy. Now mind you when I said his Mom cooked off the farm, well obviously she taught him not to say anything once he finished a meal in less than 10 min. I wonder if he thinks I am his mother.

So for example, after all day searching for a recipe while I am working, I run to the grocery store, spend $100 that I don't have readily available, run home, throw it together as fast I can so not to inconvenience my husband's eating timetable, (mind you he doesn't help in the kitchen), put it in front of him after he keeps asking is it done yet, watch him gulp it down and then leave his dirty dish on the counter on top of the dishwasher which he could have put it in, walk out and barely get the words out "thanks for dinner." He did respond as I am doing a s___ load of dishes in the sink, "are you going to eat." Now what part of this did I not get the impression he thought the wonderful, very delectable homemade tomato soup that I just put together, wasn't Campbell's soup out of the can!!

Husbands.

It is so good that I am really doing this for myself, and he happens to be reaping the benefits of at least having his belly full.

How Sick Are You Really

Well after a summer full of traveling, eating and drinking in weird places, my stomach has taken a toll. It is not so much the celiac that is the problem, I believe it is the food that is full of fiber that I shouldn't eat that creates havoc with my stomach.

Just recently a good friend of 35 years was just diagnosed with cancer. I have lived with cancer in my family and all around me, but not as close as this one has taken. You expect your parents to die and so when my mother contracted lung cancer, I just thought it was the evolution of life. But when a good friend of mine does, even though she is about 7 years older than me, I realize how unstable life can be and it could have happened to me.

Yes she did smoke, yes she definitely over ate (like the rest of us), and yes no exercise. One minute I would see her at lunch vibrant and within a couple of weeks, she looked so sick and withered it was a shock. There is hope that she will recover, I guess there is always hope as long as you are alive, but I fear the worst when the doctors told her that it is in her bones, lymph nodes, and in her lungs.

I don't smoke, but with the new outstanding problems that I have, I truly need to start taking care of myself. I know I will die one day, and I am truly not afraid of it, but I guess the withering and being so sick really bothers me. I would rather be hit by a car, struck by lightening or some instantaneous means of dying than lying in a bed with very little hope and the eventual death, while my family and friends watch me wither away.

There is a good side to lingering, you do get to say your goodbyes, but is there a justice there while your appearance and your behavior is deteriorating your family and friends really want to remember you that way. I don't know I guess I will just have to leave it up to God.

A psychic told me once that I will live to be 80, so that is what I am planning on.

The World Is Evolving Around The Stars

I know I have complained for several months now, but after traveling again for another weekend, and now to San Francisco, I realized that restaurants are becoming more and more aware of the allergic reactions to people's eating habits.

The movie stars do have a definite say in things. It seems the new thing for them is going gluten free. For a long time now vegans have had a say in menus, but now since the movie stars are going gluten free, then everywhere you go, it seems they have a gluten free menu. It is sad that so many common people have had to suffer and it takes a movie star to bring it to the world's attention.

We never had a problem of asking waitors if certain items had flour or gluten in them. Even if they don't have a menu, they all seemed willing to try to figure it out.

Beyond making movies that I love watching, thank goodness to the movie stars and their efforts to this issue.

Sad But True

I now know why doctors say do not go gluten free unless you have a medical problem that needs it. After 10 months of pretty much being off of any kind of gluten, I am slowly gaining intolerance to something I have ate all of my life, so I am sad. I am afraid that one day even a drop of gluten will make me sick.

I know my doctor would hate me saying this but I sometimes slide in something with gluten to just have it and actual taste again. I am sure I am doing harm to my body, but I wonder what is worse, being sick from not having or being sick from having it. Oh well.

Amazing

I haven't said much about being gluten free that is amazing. I have been going to some cooking classes to enhance my knowledge about the different flours and other ways of cooking. I had my daughter's wedding reception on Friday and this class was Wednesday. Was I pushing going so close to the reception? I was so mentally tired from everything that had happened in the last month, I really didn't care if I was pushing the envelope. After getting there I was so glad I tilted the scale and went.

What was on the menu was cinnamon rolls, chocolate eclairs, chocolate chip cookies, and crap cakes. Gluten free flour is so hard to work with because it is so soft. Bread dough is the consistency of cake dough. Which means there is no kneading because you wouldn't be able to even get on the table without it falling off. I was curious to see if they were going to make the cinnamon rolls the same way as all the other gluten free manufacturers and just place them in muffin tins and call them rolls. Our teacher was amazing. She was able to teach us how to place the dough on a greased plastic wrap, and roll with the tool of the plastic wrap. She had previously played with the flours enough to know that sweet sorghum flour would enhance the bread more than any other flour. The end product was amazing. It tasted just like a real sweet roll. I hadn't had one of those in months. As soon as I have 10 min to my name I am making them. They are easy to freeze and just pop in the oven.

The next thing on the list was eclairs. I hadn't had one of those either for months. It was so good.

The chocolate chip cookies were so good. They truly were better than toll house. The total flavor was just really satisfying. I sometimes wonder if when you have done without for so long and you know what the good thing taste like that even when you have a really good product but not quite up to the wheat par if it does taste better than the real thing or it just seems to be better. Oh well I guess I will never know.

The best part of the whole night was the crab cakes, now anyone can make a good crab cake and even a gluten free crab cake, its the exact bite and mix of sweet and spicy together that makes a good crab cake. These were perfect.

Again since I don't take pictures because these would have been amazing, you will just have to use your imagination of how amazing they all were.

Sometimes being gluten free isn't half bad.

A+ Test

I am so use to going to a doctor's appointment that should only take 10 min - and why, oh why does it take half of a day. With technology these days, the doctors have gotten so lazy that they handwrite notes on lab tests, send it in the mail and with the huge amount of delay you get this handwritten scribble that you can barely read telling you are going to die. Not really, but it almost seems that way. Can you believe it that my doctor called within 24 hours after having a massive amount of blood tests taken. I thought I was surely going to die.

She first started off by telling me that my celiac blood test was "still quite high." Now there isn't much that I have successfully done in my life, but I was quite shocked when she said this since I have been so very good in not eating gluten. I told her that in the last six months I probably have eaten, maybe and I am probably stretching it, probably six times some gluten. She then responded in a shock manner that from the reading I was still quite high.

I asked her again what the count was on the blood test, and she responded 33. Now my mind is definitely going and I couldn't remember what the previous gluten count, so I asked. After looking through my records, she noted that it was 122 at the beginning of this whole episode. Now I am not a brillant person, but I do sort of know how to add and subtract. Isn't that like 89 points.

I asked her what is normal and she said 19. Now again I say I can add and subtract. Isn't that like a 14 point difference. Now which one is better 89 point difference or 14 point difference, hmmmmmmmmmm.

I did admit to having four thin slices of pizza two weeks prior. I broke down when I smelled the very familiar aroma coming out of the oven and since I was so hungry, I had to endulge.

She said that the gluten can stay in the system for up to three weeks and that I needed to be more careful.

Now I am sure as a physician she needs to warn her patients of the foreseeing dangers, but right now I felt pretty DAMN happy.

She also informed me that my liver count was back to normal. I know I should still be as concerned about one aspect of my health as much as another, but knowing that my liver wasn't going to die, I felt pretty, even more, DAMN happy.

After relaying this story to a friend that has a husband with gluten intolerancy, she said "that physician probably didn't even take into account that you probably have never been to a count of 19 since you were ignorant of the celiac disease for your entire life, she should be pretty happy that you finally after all this time have brought it down to 33." It put the whole thing into prespective.

Even if the doctor doesn't want to give me an "A" for effort, I sure in the heck am. I have worked really hard to stay off of gluten. Anyone that has never sat in a wheel chair might want to do it, just get the true feel for it.