Since November 2009 I have struggled with the problem of a fatty liver and a gastritis stomach. Once I hit February and learning I was CD I struggled with the gluten free issue. The GF issue sort of jumped ahead of the stomach and liver problems. It was hard and disappointing. Sometimes seriously depressing and discouraging. Now that several months have gone by I have realized there is life past the death of the pastry. But in trying to compensate for that death I was substituting with really bad eating. I found every chocolate candy bar that didn't have gluten in it, which was really bad for the liver. Even though I knew I wasn't to have corn, any ..."itos" did not have gluten in them, so I overindulged in doritos and carmel popcorn balls. I snuck berries that I knew were horrible and were like sandpaper to my stomach lining. It seemed like a consolation for no pastry.
Several times my stomach would feel bloated and the liver bulging out my side. The pain would be so intense I could hardly get to the bed little alone stay in the bed. I have realized that I can't just take care of one issue and not the other.
I have gained all the weight that I initially lost when I first got sick. Even though my legs, arms and face seem like they haven't, my waist has grown back to where I can barely fit into my pants. The doctor said if I gain my weight back or any additional weight back, my liver would get worse to the point that it would be serious enough to either be cancerous or diseased.
Emotional jolts sometimes don't come all at once. The realization of me being sick is very evident. The want of doing something about it has been a long hard struggle. When someone has said they have seen the light and changed their ways, it seems so simple and so easy to do for them, but not for me.
I am truly surprised of how determined I have been about going GF. In the last several months I truly think I have only had very few occasions I have eaten gluten and usually it has been accidental, not intentional. I think it is the thought that once I go on the strict diet for my stomach and liver, it really eliminates a lot of my food. It would be easier to just eat baby food and eliminate all real food out of my diet.
Who would think a bowl of strawberries would make you double up and almost cry out in pain. They seem so innocent of wanting to make you healthy but in reality your worst enemy. It seems the less fiber I take in the less tolerant I am to that fiber, almost like the stomach is becoming atrophied towards it. I am afraid one day I won't be eating anything out of the mere fear of being in pain.
My birthday is coming up and at first I thought I would take a gluten free cake into my favorite bakery and ask them to frost the cake to look just like the cake I use to eat, but I have now come to the conclusion that I am going to buy a small cake and just go through the pain and agony of eating it and trying to enjoy every last bite. We will have to see, Happy Birthday to Me.
No comments:
Post a Comment