Naive Perspective

This last year has taken a toll not only on my body, but also on my mind.  In sitting around in pain, I think what is important to me, what can I live without, what can I leave behind.  I sort of started with the basics because that was the thing that was most evident.  Is it really necessary to clean that room this weekend?  Is it really necessary to take that trip?  Do I really want to do that activity when I can make more memories doing this?  I got a quick jolt of this during this last weekend's events. 

This year has been one of the worst dry years we have had.  Anything could ignite a fire because everywhere there is dry grass and dry weeds.  This state has had many fires from small ones to extreme large ones. 

In the middle of a visit from my daughters and their kids this Saturday, we were just having lunch and we looked up and noticed there was smoke across the lake in the brush.  So we sat there for a minute and watched the smoke turn into a full on forest fire. 

After talking with my husband he said "oh that fire won't get out of control, they will have it put it out before it reaches us."  Well when the flames started getting higher and higher I soon realized that it was better to be prepared than sorry.  I had to quickly analyze what was important to me to pack up and get out.  So I jumped up and started hauling things out to the car.  With the great help of daughters and an hour later most of the car was packed with only my memories.  All my photos and journals, were put safe in a car that I could drive off.  I thought how do these people do it when they only have 5 min.

Somewhere in the act of  the three of us flying all over the house, my grandboys said grandma we need to get the baby pictures out of the house.  Well the baby photos can be reproduced by their moms, but I saw in their eyes this great concern that their memories would be wiped out by the fire as well. 

The last thing to get in my car was a Russian stacking doll that I had received from a friend a couple years back.  My grandson came up to me and said "you can't forget this," it is his favorite toy.  I soon realized that it wasn't just my memories that I was concerned about it was the good memories that my grandkids would lose if the fire came close. 

My daughter the next day was relaying memories that she had at her grandparents house, of the good things that each grandmother made for food or the things she remembers of her grandfathers.  She asked "mom what do you think my kids will remember after you have passed."  She started relaying the waffles and berry syrup that I make every time my grandkids show up at the house or the Jacuzzi that my husband lets the kids get into on every visit. 

In thinking of the day before, I thought the reason why three women were running through the house was to save the memories I would cry over if I lost them in a fire. The memories weren't just for me, but the memories I could pass onto my kids and to their kids.  That the Russian doll would be replaced by a photo or a journal of their grandmother that made them waffles and berry syrup. Grandkids always put it in perspective. 

Morning Peace

When people say "stop to smell the roses" I have to laugh because sometimes I think my life is so slow how can I not stop to smell the roses, the point is, I don't.

Almost every morning I get up, usually struggling in pain, but I at least get up and get in the car to go to work. On my way to work I drive through canyons that I have dearly loved all my life. When I start on my journey what greets me are hot air balloons. Sometimes the concept of smelling the roses is just the actual act of analysing the concept of why things are with yourself. I looked at those balloons and wondered why do they always make me happy.

Today I found the answer. There isn't a child that I have known that wasn't more excited about a balloon than the toys they may play with. Balloons are a concept of why does that balloon lift off and if I let go where will it land. The variety of colors can trigger the happy senses of anyone. Balloons were created for a variety of reasons to celebrating a birthday to actually inventing the blimp for football games.

I have flown in a small plane, a jet, I have jumped out of planes and even though you sort of get the concept of how this huge thing stays in the air, the mere volume of noise competes with your thought waves of what am I really doing up here. Hot air balloons allows you the peace, the silence and the time to allow those thoughts of why am I happy in this unbelievable understanding object to take me above the ground, above my real life, and above my problems.

My husband is afraid of planes, he will go in them, but he definitely does not like them. As childlike as my husband is, every morning when he sees the hot air balloons he screams through the house repetitively of the amount of balloons in the air. It brings us back to days of youth and folly.

The days when it is dark and gloomy doesn't allow those balloons to launch and I realize those are the days that I am my sadest.  Wouldn't it be nice if life was easy as going up in a hot air balloon. 

LONG AWAITED CELEBRATION

Yes, I have been sick for about seven months now. I learned in July 2011 that something that was wrong, but the doctors couldn't put their finger on it.

In November I had a small stroke in my right eye and after seeing the doctor and believe me he wasn't intentionally trying to do this, but I panicked with his demands of trying to get more testing. The eye doctor said I had a symptom that indicated "transient blindness." He said, what happens is the plaque goes up through the retinal artery that creates blindness. Sometimes it is temporary and if it lasts long enough it can cause permanent blindness. He immediately asked for an echo cardiogram. The echo shown that I had a hole in my heart which needed further investigation.

Off to the cardiologist. By this point I had gone off any rheumatoid medicine for fear that it was causing some of the problems. Going off the medicine created major pain everywhere. I had pain from the tip of my toes to the top of my head. Unbelievable headaches, and chest pains. He did a 24 hour heart monitor, and a stress test done. The cardiologist reassured me that I wasn't going to have a heart attack and probably wouldn't have a massive stroke, but we just needed to do all the testing before we would know more. Both of them eventually came out with no problems.

I then had to go for an MRI. I remembered the first MRI I had done and it was on my neck and it was really sick to look at your own films. It wouldn't have been a problem if I was looking at someone's elses, but for someone that is not use to looking at people's insides, it is seriously sick. So in going to do this, it was scary. I was afraid of what I would find, but on the other hand I was more anxious to get answers.

I just happen to go to the sleep doctor that day and I thought I had another mini stroke because when I woke I didn't seem to have any problems, 15 minutes I am in massive headache. All he had to do was look at me, and he immediately sent me to the Emergency Room. When you go for an MRI you must outweigh, am I claustrophobic or am I not, because once you are in that machine, it truly feels like you are in a coffin. Beyond the feeling then you have the noise, it's ear piercing. They told me either find a driver for us to knock you out, or be brave and get in the D___ machine. No they didn't say that, I said that to myself, and myself finally said, get in the machine it is not going to kill you.

Then off to the neurologist to read the films. The ER told me there was nothing wrong and my MRI came out clear. When I got into the neurologist I had another melt down when she corrected the ER and said no there is definitely something on your films. When and how did it happen she had no idea. As soon as I checked in with her I knew I was in trouble. It took 6 hours of consulting and testing. Another test took another day off from work. And then the final consult. She said that the hole in the heart was medium size but didn't seem to be a problem and that she was going to put me on medicine for the rest of my life.

After being first scared to death with a mini-stroke in the eye, how many doctor appointments, testing, hospitals, and for her to tell me that it was not going to be a problem, was probably one of the happiest days of my life.

Now the pain must be treated somehow, but at least I wasn't having heart surgery, or even close to that. HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORAY

In Time of Need

Over the many months I have several friends and family that have asked how am I doing. The concern is really quite there, but I have learned a really important rule of thumb, if they say that statement and the next thing out of their mouth is all about them, I know they are just asking automatically not out of real concern.

I was telling a friend the other day (believe me this person is a really sweet lady) about a young couple that my daughter knows really well that has just found out that their two daughters have bubble boy syndrome. Now mind you maybe my friend didn't know much about bubble boy syndrome, I sure didn't know. Bubble boy syndrome is where the entire family must stay locked in their home for fear that their children will contract something through their individual contact outside of the home. The family has five children and their father has had to give up his jobs (he was working two jobs) in order to keep the children healthy.

Again back to my friend, I am not kidding the minute I initally told her about this friend and I stopped talking she starting telling me about her health issues and her problems and what is in her future. I am not sure if that was a knee jerk reaction to not have to talk about this person's blight or on a selfish "I like to hear myself talk".

When you are going through a health issue, it is a very personal issue, but it effects so many (your family, friends, your job, etc.) I have learned sometimes that nothing is as easy as a cold or the flu, it is much worse and you just don't know how lucky you were at one time to just have the everyday cold.

You also realize that while you are healthy sometimes you will hear about someone else's blight like this young family with their children, sometimes you ignore and sometimes you pay it forward. But it never hits closer to home until you are sick and you realize their blight is a lot worse than yours. Your sickness doesn't go away because you justify yours against someone else's problems, it just puts it into perspective.

There are a lot of sick people, families, co-employees that are out there. Some of them won't come out okay. Some will have death, and some will have miracles. It is up to us, sick or well to do something to help ease, may it just be a kind word or a token that you can afford. That's called "Humanity." Some countries or groups would rather allow those to die to ease their burden of having to even think about caring. If one thing is taken from this world it is not the word but the action of "Humanity."

It is soon Christmas and I think more and more of these sad family stories come out for them to not be left behind, especially at this time of the year. Let's don't forget the act of Humanity during the rest of the year. Christ wouldn't.

Waiting for the Shoe to Fall

I haven't blogged in awhile. My daughter said that you don't really know how well you are until you are sick and believe me she is so accurate. Just after a simple little camping trip with the girlfriends, I got horribly ill. It started feeling like rheumatoid arthritis. My legs started stiffening up to where I couldn't get out of the car. Within a matter of weeks, the entire body started stiffening up. I eventually became so weak I couldn't pick up a pillow, that is pretty sad.

My husband and I were going to go to Paris and I was panicking and maybe I should have panicked a little more than rely on just one doctor which I do like, but he didn't have the right answers. After the trip, I knew I had to do something, I literally was dragging through Paris. My general practitioner sent me to a rheumatologist and after seeing the new doc, he gave me prednisone. Within a day I felt absolutely great, I can't even tell you how good I felt.

I know I am out of condition, but even that change made me feel like a new person. As soon I called my friend she gave me the bad news that prednisone is only a steroid that takes the swelling down, but the real problem is still there it is just masking it. I was sad. Maybe by luck the whole body will just readjust and I won't have anymore problems.

I have two years of just being sick. To some degree it is not anything tragic, but in another degree it has been a constant battle with one thing or another. What else could happen. I know that the onset of middle-old age can cause problems, I expect that, but on a continuous basis. Stayed Tune for Upcoming Events.

Gold In Those Potatoes

When my Grandson, Wyatt, age 7, came back from Lava Hot Springs and he picked up a rock there thinking it was a meteor rock. He was going to sell it for $10,000. He was going to pay his little brother, Dean, age 4, $10.00 if he screamed into the street, "Meteor rock for $10,000" and he sold it. So after his mother and I laughed about it, I told her that if he didn't sell it by the time I saw him again, which could be several weeks, I would offer him $20 for it. Shortly thereafter he called me and said in his very jumbled up kid talk, I'll sell it to you for $30, I thought didn't that go up, then in the same conversation he said "I'll sell it to you for $40." This seemed strange the price was going up not down.

The next day I just happen to have to go down to their house, and when I got there, there were two signs, one on the mailbox and one on a landscape rock stating, "$10,000,000 (he thought it was $10,000) for meteor rock." So immediately he pounced on me, did you see my rock, I told him no, he said it was right in front of the sign. So Gary and I went out and there was a small little rock in front of the sign about 3" in diameter. We had to laugh. So after lunch I told his mom that I was going to teach Wyatt how to bard er so she needed to help him.

He said "Grandma I will sell you that special meteor rock for $60." I laughed, and said "Wyatt the price isn't suppose to go up, but go down. So we went back and forth and finally Grandma paid $35 with the agreement $7 went to his little brother.

Last night I got stuck in traffic for two hours which would have normally taken 45 minutes. You could say I wasn't happy. So for entertainment purposes I called my daughter and she was right in the middle of screaming at the kids and making dinner, so I told her I would talk to her later. A few minutes later, my oldest grandson which is soon to be 7, called me and he said Grandma are you going to have to pee in the car and get no food tonight. Which I figured out his mom told him I was stuck in the car in traffic. I about peed my pants just thinking about what he said.

We had a nice entertaining talk when I told him I needed to go and would talk to him later, I got another phone call from my youngest grandson of that family, Dean, age 4, obviously jilted from not talking to his grandma and he asked where we were going on our trip this week. I said "to Ide-ho, Ide-ho, Ide-ho (aka Idaho). I said "do you want to go," he said "nope I've already been there." I said "really when," he said, "I went to Lava Hot Springs, Idaho." I thought I guess that means he will never have to go back to that state again. I asked him what is Idaho famous for. He didn't know. I told him he eats them everyday. So finally I told him it was the Ide-ho potato. He said really. I said do you know there are gold in those potatoes, he said really. I told him that per ca pita (now really do they know what per ca pita is, not) Idaho has the richest people in the United States because of the Ide-ho potato. I told him there is gold in those brown things.

So now they think meteors only hit the State of Idaho and there is gold in their potatoes.

Grandkids - they say the darndest things

My oldest grandchild had asked me in the past, "Grandma, how come you can't eat bread and rolls." Of couse I have tried to explain it like Grandmas do. But he had some friends over and he told his friends within earshot of his mom, "My Grandma can't eat wheat because she was stung by a bee." Those poor friends of his will be dodging bees just so they can have their PB&J sandwiches.